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“I don’t think we should chance it.”
A cough comes over the baby monitor before the sound of Robin crying starts. I squeeze Harmony’s hand. “Go deal with the baby. I can move my stuff in by myself.”
She opens her mouth to protest but Robin cries again. “How much stuff are we talking about here?”
I shrug. “A few boxes of clothes.”
And some pictures of us together on our wedding day. I’m not telling her about those, though. Miss out on the chance to watch her have an epic fit when she notices them? No way.
She wavers and I go in for the kill. “I’ll put my stuff in your bedroom then.”
Her eyes widen. “No, you will not.”
“I’m wounded. You don’t want to stay in the same bedroom as your husband? Do you not love me anymore? Should we start meeting with a marriage counselor?”
“This is fake, remember?”
I do. I also think it’s fun to wind Harmony up and watch what happens.
I flutter my eyelashes. “No, judge. This marriage is not fake. We’re truly married.”
Her nostrils flare, and I bite my tongue before I smile. She’s adorable when she’s mad. What am I saying? She’s always adorable. But when her nose scrunches up and her nostrils flare? She’s double adorable.
“Aren’t you worried I’ll kill you in my sleep?”
“I’m a light sleeper. Whenever you come close to my side of the bed I’ll know.”
“Your side of the bed?” she shrieks. “Do you think we’re going to sleep in the same bed?”
“Don’t married couples sleep in the same bed?” I waggle my eyebrows. “It facilitates other marital activities.”
“Elder Jason Bragg! You stop this right this minute. We’re not sleeping in the same bed and we’re certainly not having sex!”
I sigh. “One day married and I’m already cut off. Where’s the honeymoon phase?”
“Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”
“Are you saying your heart is beating super fast from being in my presence?”
Her face turns red and a muscle in her jaw ticks. Uh oh. Harmony’s mad. I poked the beast. I wonder how the beast is going to respond. I stuff my hands in my pockets before I rub them together in anticipation.
“I’m going to kill you. And it won’t be an easy death either. No poison for you.”
“Poison’s an easy death? Should I be taking notes?”
Harmony ignores me to continue her tirade, “I will make your death as painful as possible. I understand waxing a man’s balls is extremely painful.”
I cover my junk with my hands. I’ve wanted Harmony’s touch on me for months, but she’s not coming near me with hot wax.
“And it can’t be comfortable to bleach an asshole.”
I’m not proud of the noise I make at the idea of her coming near my asshole with bleach. Not happening.
“I guess I’ll sleep on the couch.”
Her grin is triumphant. “You’ll sleep on the couch with the dogs.”
“Don’t the dogs sleep in their doggy beds?”
