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“I’m only trying to figure out who is holding me hostage,” I defended myself.
“You’re not a hostage,” she snapped and rushed over to gather up her things and move them out of my reach. “You’re quarantined to keep everyone safe.”
“And you’re starving me to keep everyone safe too?” I shot back.
“I don’t have the food to waste if you don’t make it.”
“Please. I’m hungry and exhausted and alone and in pain. Can’t you spare some moldy bread or a damn potato? Please, Sage.”
“That’s not my name!” she shouted in frustration. She’d packed everything back into the box, and she straightened up and tucked her hair behind her ears. “Sage was my sister. I’m Nova.”
“Sorry. I was taking a guess since you both call the virus ‘zabies.’” I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, Nova. I’m sure you’re doing what you think is best to protect yourself, but um… I’m really struggling. Can I at least be moved to a room with a window?”
She shook her head once. “I wish I could, but it isn’t safe. Not yet.”
“I’m still a person, you know,” I was practically pleading with her. “I can’t survive in this purgatory forever.”
“I know that. But it won’t be much longer,” she said, but the way she spoke made it very hard to tell if she was being genuine.
She picked up the box of “Old School Stuff” and started heading upstairs, and I tried to keep my cool. I didn’t think that yelling or screaming or threatening Nova would do any good, especially when I definitely could not back any threats up.
But as she ascended the stairs, I couldn’t take it anymore. The manacles around my wrists were tight and heavy, and I felt as if she closed the door, all the air would be locked out, and I would suffocate.
“Nova, please!” I shouted after her. “Please don’t leave me chained up down here! Please! I can’t live like this!”
It didn’t matter what I said or how I yelled, because the door slammed shut, blocking out the sunlight again, and I heard the locks click. Part of me understood that she was only being prudent, but that part of me was not in control.
A steel panic had taken hold of me, and I felt like a feral animal, fighting and pulling at the chains, destroying my already ragged wrists.
I fought until my body gave out underneath me, and I collapsed against the floor sobbing. It wasn’t even so much a fear of dying or being held captive – it was simply fear. My heart pounded so hard in my chest that it hurt, and my mouth tasted like metal and acid.
Was this it? Had I been infected somehow? Is this how it felt when the illness took hold? Too hot and too cold all at once, with adrenaline surging through me so intensely that I was trembling. My breath came out in ragged gasps, and I rested my head against the floor.
Then I heard Remy’s voice in my head, “You’re stronger than you think.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and slowed my breath. I counted to a hundred, and I felt the cold concrete beneath me. Eventually, slowly, the fear subsided, and I was back in control.
I’d had a panic attack, but I wasn’t a zombie. Not yet.
14
Lazlo
It was a very long time until I saw Nova again. I slept often, since starvation and exhaustion were taking their toll, and the sky seemed to be overcast, because it was dark for so long.
Maybe I was delirious, but I swore I could hear the keys jingling at her side as she descended the stairs. I sat up straighter, and an uncontrollable wave of elation rolled over me when I saw the key ring in her hand. I had no idea what existed beyond this basement, but I was thrilled to see sunlight and stars again.
“You’re setting me free?”
“You were never not free,” she said without a hint of irony, despite the fact that I was sitting before her chained to her wall. “You were quarantined.”
“Well, I am happy to leave semantics aside as soon as you unlock these cuffs.” I held my hands hopefully out toward her.
But she made no move towards me. “I have a few questions first.”
“You can see clearly that I’m not sick,” I insisted.
“You don’t seem to have zabies,” she conceded, then added bleakly, “But you aren’t well, either.”
