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Jeff hated the idea of charity—though he gave publicly for appearances’ sake, I knew in private he despised those who took it. Of course he did. Empathy was as foreign a concept to the man as compassion.
Great. Now that I didn’t have Reece to distract me, I was thinking of Jeff.
I sat back in the ATV seat.
Did I always have to define myself in relation to the men in my life? Did that mean I was weak? Or broken, somewhere deep down inside?
I looked up at the sky. Neon pinks bursting through bright oranges, with deep blues and electric purples bleeding on the edges.
It was so beautiful, it didn’t look real.
I looked around at the rolling hills, the animals, the brown grass waving in the wind, the clusters of cacti. Land, land as far as the eye could see. No people. No cars. Not even any planes overhead.
Just me and the open space.
I took in a deep breath and held it in my chest.
This, right here, was everything I hadn’t even known to dream for. I hadn’t known life like this was possible, but I’d suspected it could be, deep down in my soul.
And now here I was. I felt as free and open as the land, stretching outward on all sides and the wide, wide sky splashed with color above me.
My nose stung and I bowed my head as if that could keep the tears from falling, but of course, it couldn’t. They fell down my cheeks. Defiantly, I raised my face back to the sky and watched the sunset. The wind hit my tears and made me even more aware of them.
“You’re here,” I whispered to myself. “You’re really here. You made it, honey. You’re safe.”
I didn’t think about anyone else. I didn’t think about a man. Or where I would go next. Or where I’d been before.
I wrapped my arms around my torso and held myself, and watched the sunset, and cried.
Chapter Ten
I was just pulling biscuits out of the oven while keeping an eye on the sausages sizzling on the griddle when Ruth came downstairs a few days later.
It was only eight-thirty in the morning but I’d already been out and done my first round checking on the newborns, as well as feeding Bessie and Nine their morning bottles.
I was dancing to a song on my mp3 player as I turned and smiled at Ruth. “Morning!”
She stared at me, then her eyebrows furrowed. “You realize you haven’t had a day off since you came here.”
I set the tray of biscuits down and hustled to grab the spatula and move the sausages around. “Oh, it’s okay. I don’t mind. Plus, isn’t that the whole gig? Life on a ranch never stops? The cows don’t take a day off, so neither can we?”
Ruth laughed. “Dear God, it’s like you were meant for this life. Or you just haven’t shoveled enough manure yet. Dealing with the calves is the best part, I will admit.”
She sidled up to me by the counter. “But you don’t own this place. You just work here. And you get time off. Pretty sure it’s the law.”
“Oh,” I said. I hadn’t really thought about it. Frankly, I was glad to have things to do every day. What would I do with time off? Ruminate on things better off forgotten. No, better to keep busy.
“I don’t mind,” I started to say, but just then, the door off the kitchen opened and Reece and Jeremiah came in, and they came in loudly, mid-conversation, like they often did.
“I’m telling you, we need to move them in,” Reece said.
“We can’t,” his brother answered. “The pastures are a mess. They gave no thought to recovery periods or optimal growth cycles, and the soil! Jesus, the soil!”
Reece just shook his head. “But another fence was downed in the west pasture and I’m telling you, I don’t think it was the cows. When I looked closer—”
“Hey,” Ruth interrupted. “You ever gonna give your employee a day off?”
They both looked up at us. I started to wave my hand and say it was okay, when Jeremiah took off his hat, putting it on the hook, and said, “Of course. I know it’s been busy while we trained you, Charlie, but we can set up a schedule now. Xavier always gave us one day a week off, so if that sounds fair to you—”
