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I was a little taken aback. Usually when it was time to school my brother, he stood back and took it.
“Actually, you know what?” he said, shaking his head. “No. I’m fucking fed up with your high and mighty bullshit. You being born a few minutes early doesn’t actually make you older. We’re the same fucking age. I’m a grown ass man and I’m tired of your judgmental bullshit. My wife knows enough to tell off her parents when they’re trying to get into our life when it’s none of their business and brother, I’m ready to do the same to you.”
“It’s not the same at all. I took care of you when—”
“Did you? ’Cause the way I remember it, we took care of each other.”
I scoffed. “You have no fucking idea the shit I did for you.”
He threw his arms out. “Because you won’t tell me! You think you’re so high and mighty but you don’t even know how to communicate. Being with Charlie has taught me what actual grown-up relationships look like and brother, I can finally see that you’re still the child. We were never taught how to talk about shit, much less how to heal from all the trauma—”
I scoffed again and started to turn away when he grabbed my shoulder. I yanked away but he just got in front of me.
“Yes, fucking trauma. The way we grew up, that was fucking traumatic. We fucking survived and that makes us survivors. But you don’t just go through that shit and come out normal. You have to deal with it. You can’t just keep ignoring it. You have to talk about it, work through it—”
“I work just fine,” I said through gritted teeth.
It was his turn to scoff. “Oh, that’s what you call whatever the fuck it is you’re doing?”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Stomping through life, gruff and grumpy as hell? Pushing anyone away before they can ever get too close? You think that’s healthy? Shit, if I wasn’t so forgiving, you would have pushed me away too.”
I stared at him. I wanted to punch him to get him to shut the fuck up.
But he just kept going. “For example, what the hell is going on with you and Ruth? Anyone with eyes in their heads can see you have feelings for the woman.”
“She’s moving.”
He registered surprise and I remembered she hadn’t told anyone else yet.
“And she lied to me.”
“About what?”
“You getting Charlie pregnant.”
He looked at me like I was nuts. “You mean she was loyal to her friend and kept a secret Charlie asked her to?”
He shook his head. “I’d ask what the fuck is wrong with you, but I know. Brother, both of us created this story where you were the one of the two of us who had their shit together, but that was a lie. You were just better at shoving it down deep. I think I was the healthier one all along because I could react to shit. I could show my emotions. You just shoved it all down so fucking deep and never let anyone else in. But it’s not better. You aren’t some fucking paragon. I’m sorry, brother, but you aren’t. You were always just as fucked up as me.”
I stood there, in the uncomfortable situation of being the one schooled.
I wanted to argue. I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself.
But all I really wanted was to go find Ruth, grab her to me tight, and never fucking let go.
Come to think of it, that was a great fucking idea.
I clapped my brother on the shoulder. “Good talk. Congratulations on the coming kid. You married an amazing woman and I think you just might be a great dad.”
He looked surprised. “So… we’re good?”
I nodded. “We’re good.”
“Oh. Well, great.”
Then I turned and went to find my own woman. God knew I hated to admit when I was wrong, but I wasn’t so much of a jackass that I couldn’t see it when I was being hit in the face with the truth. And Reece was always excellent for that.
