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But that was when she was looking after her grandmother.
Now that was no longer a necessity.
Yet the thought of Connie at a health spa, let alone one hundreds of miles from where she lived, was still a startling one.
On the other hand, he mused, maybe it would do her good. She could do with some pampering, thinking about herself for a change, not her grandmother’s needs. Yet he was conscious of having mixed feelings. He would not need to worry about her while she was there. Nor spend any time thinking about her for a while...thinking about what she was going to do with her life now that her grandmother was no more.
With a slight feeling of discomfort he realised that, if he were to be completely honest, he would have preferred it if Connie’s grandmother hadnotdied when she had. Not just for Connie’s sake—but for his own. While Connie had been nursing her grandmother, he’d known where he was with her. But now...?
Now it was much more complicated.
Selfishly, he acknowledged ruefully, his preference would be for Connie simply to go on living as she had, in her cottage, until it was OK for them to get divorced. But that, he knew, was a completely self-centred preference. What if Connie didn’t want to go on living as she had? Wanted something new in her life?
But what could that be?
And, whatever it was that she wanted, how would it impact him?
He just did not know—and he didn’t like that feeling.
Connie felt the treadmill slow into cool-down mode and satisfaction filled her. Ten kilometres at a modest but definite incline. And though her heart rate was elevated, she wasn’t puffing and breathless. A distinct change from when she’d first arrived at the spa.
And it wasn’t just her physical fitness either.
The complete change of scene and daily activity had transformed her. Opened the lid of the box of grief and bereavement she’d been closing herself into. Up here in the Lake District, with the lakes and the peaks, the dramatic beauty of the stark, wild landscape, she’d felt her spirits lift imperceptibly day by day. And as for the wellness resort...
She gave a wry smile now as she stepped off the treadmill and headed towards the fixed weights section of the superbly equipped workout area. She would never,everhave thought she’d actually enjoy the vigorous facilities it offered, and yet it was filling her with satisfaction and a wonderful sense of achievement that she had put herself in the hands of the skilled personal trainer who oversaw her exercise regime. He had drawn up a programme that put her long-neglected body through its paces, toning and trimming, stretching and sleeking, day by day turning flab into fit...
Nor had she confined herself to the gym, either. The resort came with an indoor training pool, there was aquarobics, yoga and Pilates sessions, as well as all the sybaritic pampering treatments she’d so self-indulgently splashed out on—because, after all, she might as well, while she was here, and daily massages felt well deserved after all her exertions in the gym. But most restoring of all to her spirits, she knew, was access to plentiful mountain and lakeside walks that let her get out into the fresh air, breathe deeply, and achieve, little by little, day by day, a new perspective on life.
It was impossible not to feel the fog of grief lifting, as, her workout completed, a light but nutritious and healthy lunch consumed, she headed off outdoors each day into the bright, bracing air, to gaze at the grandeur all around her as she strode up the fell towering over the deep, dark lake.
Impossible not to start to want to re-join the world she had withdrawn from for far too long.
Impossible not to accept that embracing life again was what her grandmother would want for her.
In her head she could hear Gran’s voice, warm and loving.
Go out and live, my dearest, dearest girl, for my sake—and for yours.
She felt Gran’s blessing on her every day—including this one.
Felt, too, more unwelcome thoughts plucking at her. And although this was harder, she knew she would have to face up to it when the time came, as soon it must.
Face up to letting Dante leave my life. Going our separate ways.
She knew it must be so—and yet a pang of grief of a different sort pierced her. From the very start their marriage had been only a means to an end, for both of them, but as the weeks and months had passed, even with the limited contact they’d had with each other, she knew that Dante had become...
Important to me.
She paused by her usual viewpoint on the fell as she gained elevation, her expression troubled suddenly. Forbidden thoughts came to her as words returned once again to her mind. The toast Dante had made on the plane that day so many months ago.
‘To getting what we want.’
Something clutched at her insides. She had known then that what she wanted was so much more than he did.
Because what she wanted—dreamt of—yearned for—was impossible.
Surely it was.
