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“I get it,” he says.
“We can’t exactly hide Selina away, either” Sully points out. He comes to the counter to refill his mug, adding sugar and cream with slow and precise movements. Sully is very specific about how he takes his coffee. “Cynthia has already found a way to get to her.”
“We can stay close to Selina and make sure she’s never out walking alone,” I suggest. “But at this point, other than keeping Cynthia at arm’s length, I don’t know what else we can do.”
“Not without crossing some legal boundaries,” Sully exhales sharply and rolls his eyes.
Out of the three of us, Jason had the hardest time after the ordeal with Cynthia, but Sully is the one still nursing one hell of a grudge. I can’t exactly blame him, given how it turned out. It took a hell of a lot of patience and self-control to pull us back together, and there were several moments where I feared miserable failure. Things never should have gotten as far as they did; all we wanted was a woman for the three of us to love and cherish without any envy, fear or concern about the future. Cynthia was a pretty dream until the reality of her finally crashed into us.
We almost burned with it.
“Whatever happens next, Selina can never know the truth,” I warn the guys. “She can never know what happened.”
“I’m not sure we can avoid it,” Jason says. “Cynthia seems determined to haunt us.”
“Maybe. But who says we have to let her in?” I reply with a cold smirk.
Sully scoffs. “So, what, do we just lock the door on Friday and pretend we can’t hear her knocking? I’m pretty sure we don’t want Selina to see us cowering like spineless sacks of—”
“Hey, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here,” I reply. “We can still do dinner on Friday as long as Lance is still coming with her. We’ll keep the conversation at an amicable level. And whenever she tries to slip into the past, we pull the conversation away immediately. For Selina’s sake as well as our own.”
“You’re really into her, aren’t you?” Jason gives me a wry smile.
I can’t help but mirror his expression as I lean back in my chair. “Like you’re not completely smitten yourself. And don’t even get me started on Sully here.”
“What’s not to love about her?” Sully grins, but it’s not the kind of grin I often see on his face. There is warmth in his dark eyes, hope in his voice, and light where deep shadows used to reside. Whatever Selina is doing to him, it’s a good thing. It’s good for Sully, it’s good for Jason, and it’s certainly good for me, otherwise we wouldn’t be so hell-bent on keeping her safe and out of Cynthia’s reach. “Selina needs peace and quiet out here. Not the poison of a past we’re not even involved or interested in anymore.”
“I agree,” I tell him. “So, we’ll go ahead with dinner but we’ll keep it fiercely platonic. And if Cynthia is brazen enough to insist on scratching wounds we’ve worked so hard to heal, we can show her the door before she even considers going any further.”
Jason curses under his breath. “I don’t like that we’re so vulnerable with Selina here. And I absolutely hate the effect that Cynthia has on us.”
“Selina comes first, no matter what,” Sully replies. “We need to keep her safe and happy. She deserves it.”
“And we deserve peace of mind,” I say. “Let’s see how Friday unfolds. Maybe Cynthia will surprise us and she’ll be decent and normal.”
It’s not impossible, but history does have a way of teaching us that people rarely change at a fundamental level. Cynthia’s core is pure poison. It’s in her nature, and I don’t have a lot of faith that’s she’s changed.
The stakes are higher and far more precious with Selina. For the first time in what feels like an eternity, I’ve got someone I feel is worth fighting for—tooth and nail. I know the guys feel the same way, otherwise we never would’ve done what we did last night. We wouldn’t have allowed ourselves to be so open and vulnerable, for things to happen as quickly as they have with Selina.
I worry about her. I want to see her happy and thriving. But how can I protect her from Cynthia when I’m not even sure that I can protect myself?
15
Selina
Dinner with Cynthia and Lance wasn’t as weird as I thought it would be, and I have a feeling it surprised the guys, as well. Whatever happened between them last year must’ve stayed there, in a time that no longer exists. She seemed pretty attached to Lance and he’s definitely crazy about her, he was doting on her every second, making sure she had everything she needed without Cynthia ever having to say a word.
Truth be told, Matthew, Sully, and Jason are the same way with me. I’m never hungry or thirsty, definitely never lonely or sexually or emotionally unsatisfied. A couple of weeks have passed since Cynthia’s return to Aspen, and while there is still tension occasionally caused by the mere mention of her name, things seem to be progressing in a more positive direction. My relationship with the guys is evolving to a new and intriguing level. Physically, we’re a perfect match, like pieces of the same puzzle that were lost in different boxes over the years.
Emotionally, they each respond to me differently, and I draw that emotion from them differently, too. Matthew is still my rock, the man I go to for advice and comfort. He never lacks an answer or an encouraging word, and if he ever finds himself unable to assist me, he always nudges me toward Sully or Jason instead. There are days when I can’t help but imagine building a family with this man, and it fills my heart with feelings I didn’t think I’d ever get to feel.
Jason is my sunshine, my endless fountain of smiles and lighthearted jokes, or dirty puns and laughter. Nothing is ever too serious with him, but when he does have to leave the giggles aside, he steps up and exposes his very core—a strong man with clearly defined values and sharp boundaries. I like the contrast, though I always fall back into the warm and silly side of him.
In terms of strength, Sully is my go-to. Not only for physical but also mental strength. The level of self-control that this man displays on a daily basis is truly impressive. Most importantly, he is the shadow I like to hide in whenever I’m overwhelmed. The way he grabs me, the way he holds me tight and claims me when I need it is so hot and feral, I love it. He’s unpredictable, and he makes my heart skip numerous beats.
When the three of them come together, I surrender wholly and without hesitation because I feel safe and cherished, desired and appreciated, on every level.
This is by far the most beautiful winter I’ve lived through, and Christmas is just around the corner. We went through one blizzard without much ado. Granted, everything was fully stocked, and the power lines didn’t suffer any glitches for the three days that we couldn’t get out. All we could do was sleep, eat, and screw each other senseless in between watching reruns of old procedural cop shows or reading books that Matthew has collected in the living room library over the years. I’ve recently discovered Raymond Chandler, and I have to admit I’m fascinated by the tension of his novels. I never would’ve read this guy before and it’s just one more way in which being around my ex-Marines has changed me. My ex-Marines. Holy hell, it has gotten to this point where I freely call them mine.
