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Cynthia crippled them both before I could even anticipate such dangerous moves on her part.
“What’s wrong?” Selina asks again. I can hear the subtle fade in her voice.
“We, as a group, are not doing alright anymore. Things from our past have resurfaced, and I thought we had a good handle on it all but—”
“By things from the past you mean Cynthia.”
“Yes.”
“That much is obvious. She rattled you. Jason and Sully, too. Rattled is probably not strong enough of a word,” she sighs deeply.
I nod slowly. “It’s only going to get worse unless we hit the brakes on this for a while.”
Selina clearly wasn’t expecting this. I can tell from the drop of her shoulders, the tremor in her voice, the sadness slowly settling in her hazel green gaze. “I see…”
“Maybe it’s best if you go back to Providence for a little while. I’ve got a great studio apartment for you to live in until you get back on your feet. I won’t charge you any rent, not until you’re back in financial balance. But I can’t,wecan’t, have you here anymore, not until we resolve our Cynthia problem.”
“I don’t need your pity,” Selina replies harshly. I can see her hands balling into tight fists, the knuckles white with anger.
“It’s not pity, Selina. I just want you to be comfortable and safe. Let’s be honest, you going back to live at the store in the middle of the winter holidays isn’t the best idea.”
“I’m starting to feel like I’m the problem that you need to resolve. And I’m nobody’s charity case, Matthew. I’ve got enough to pay a month’s rent, if anything.”
“I don’t want your money right now. You need it more than I do,” I say.
She scoffs and crosses her arms, the fury rising and swelling into the air. It’s almost difficult to breathe as I try to navigate her understandably volatile emotions. Not only is she feeling rejected, but she is also being made to feel helpless. It’s not what I wanted, and certainly not my intention, yet my choice of words hasn’t helped.
“What happened with Cynthia, exactly?” she asks, narrowing her eyes at me. “What is it about her, about your relationship with her, specifically, that you haven’t shared with me? Why won’t any of you talk about her?”
“What did Cynthia tell you? I know she has accosted you more than once.”
“You’re answering my question with another question. Do you see why I’m starting to get suspicious here?” she replies.
I nod. “We had a difficult relationship, Selina. Cynthia isn’t, well, let’s just say she isn’t who she pretends to be. She may come across as friendly and kind, but there’s a side to her that’s dark and dangerous.”
“I don’t know why I have such a hard time believing that, considering that the only ones acting up around here these days are you guys. Jason fell off the wagon. Sully is rage incarnate. And you’re trying to ship me back to Providence mere days before Christmas,” Selina snaps. “You know what, Matthew? As much as I’ve enjoyed our time together, maybe it’s time we put an end to it. Not a break, not a pause, because life and relationships don’t work like that. You clearly don’t want me around anymore, and I’m not about to insist on knocking on doors that obviously don’t want to open for me.”
“Selina, let’s not—”
“Screw you!” she shoots back. “Thank you for having me here, I had a wonderful time. But then your unresolved issues came back to haunt you, and instead of opening up to me, instead of talking to me about them so that I might be able to help you, you chose to shut me out and then ship me out the door. Therefore, out the door I’ll go. Don’t worry about me, I know my way back.”
She’s already going up the stairs. I can almost hear her heart breaking, echoing the insurmountable turmoil in mine. “Selina, please…”
“No need to further explain anything. I got the message loud and clear,” she says. “Don’t worry. I’ll pack my bags and be out of your hair by morning.”
I’m about to go after her, but I know that in doing so, I will only make it worse. She’s hurt and angry, and I deserve a hell of a lot more than what she has just dished. “Can we talk about it some more? Please? Later?” I ask.
“No. I won’t be coming down for dinner, either. Leave me alone,” I hear her say just before the door to her bedroom shuts loudly behind her.
Dammit. This entire situation is only getting worse. She will never accept my offer to stay in my studio. A proud woman like her, having just been rejected after things were getting so warm and intimate between us, will stand her ground. We had talked about spending more time together once we got back to Providence. Maybe even a spring break holiday in Tahiti. Life was looking bigger and brighter, but now it seems small and dark. Empty and senseless. We should’ve been more careful with Cynthia. We should have nipped it in the bud a long time ago. The price we’re paying now is far too steep, and our own egos and shame won’t allow us to tell Selina the whole truth.
What would be the point, anyway? Cynthia is determined to deliver the maximum damage regardless. Unbeknownst to her, the damage has already begun. Selina’s reaction says that much. But at least she’ll be safer once she leaves. I’ll be able to better handle Cynthia with Selina out of Aspen.
22
Selina
Ididn’t even say goodbye to any of them.
