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I didn’t deserve her.
Cryssa was an angel among us mortals, and I was not worthy of a single silky hair on her head.
I was certainly not deserving of her kindness, love, and sweet nature—not after the sinful way I had acted with Zoei. Over and over again, I had defied Cryssa’s trust and devotion. Repaid her loyalty by taking Zoei deep in my cunt, yearning for more, begging, screaming,pleading…
Even now, as I sat deflated in the north wing’s library at Highblade Palace, my every thought lingered on Zoei. It had only been thirty minutes since I’d left her side to take the meeting with Cryssa, but my breaths were short with worry.
What if Zoei had taken a turn for the worse while I was gone? Her breathing had been unstable all evening, even though the medic had ensured me she was receiving the best care.
I placed a palm against my forehead, trying to soothe the pounding ache. The rasp of the bandages covering my hands was a reminder that I hadn’t left the battle unscarred. Countless splinters had embedded themselves deep into in my palms, and the medical assistant had sweated over me for hours while trying to extract each one.
Now, it was almost midnight. Zoei’s painkillers would be wearing off soon, and I wasn’t there to look into her eyes when she awakened.
“Olympia?” Cryssa questioned softly. “Sweetheart?”
Guilt heated my blood.
Cryssa had sped from Boroville to Highblade Palace the moment she heard of my return. She had been frantic and panic-ridden, embracing me with sweet relief.
How typical of Cryssa to throw herself into searching for me without passing the job to our security team as most would do. She was genuine and true, with no concern other than my well-being.
As she sat across from me in the library, pouring steaming tea into little porcelain mugs, loving words tumbled from her lips. How she hoped I was all right after the ordeal, that Almanera deserved what had happened to him, that she would help me heal my mind and body while increasing security around our fortress…
The words were a blur.
All I could focus on was the memory of Zoei falling headfirst into the dirt, barely moving.
“You’re shaking.” Cryssa’s glasses reflected the warm light of the solar lamps as she perched on the armrest next to me. Dark curls fell across her bosom, brushing against the exposed vee of her neckline. My gaze strayed to her abundant curves for just a moment before flitting away guiltily. I had no right to look, not any longer.
I could not pretend. Iwouldnot pretend.
“Take this,” she urged, pressing a warm mug of herbal tea into my palms. “It’ll calm you down.”
My fingers were numb as I accepted the tea, surprised at the weight of it. I glanced down, staring into the trembling surface of the water, but found that it was nothing more than my guilt weighing down the steaming mug.
“Cryssa.” Goddess, how could I say her name when I had wronged her so thoroughly? I cleared my throat and tried again.
“I need to tell you something.”
Her fingers caressed my cheek as she pushed stray curls away from my face.
“Of course. Anything.”
“I fear you will see me in a different light,” I confessed, gripping the mug tight.
She paused, a line creasing her forehead. “Something happened while Zoei Highblade held you hostage.”
My tongue turned to sandpaper—my voice a harsh rasp. “Yes.”
Cryssa slid off the armrest, retracting the warmth of her scent and skin. I wondered if she meant to punish me by withholding the comfort of the familiar, and surmised I would deserve it, if that was her intention.
She took a seat across from me instead, taking a moment to adjust the pleats in her trousers. I watched her chest billow with breath, as though she were bracing for the worst.
Her features gave nothing away. Deep brown eyes reflected nothing more than concern and curiosity.
“Go on,” she urged, placing her palms evenly on her knees. “I’m ready.”
“I…” The words withered away, and I sipped the tasteless tea for a moment’s reprieve. “Zoei and I… We…”
