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The window nearest to the bed had been propped open, and I was more than thankful for the fresh air.
Oreani wore her make-up like an armor, each layer of powder and rouge concealing her true self from public scrutiny. Without her cosmetic reinforcements, her eyes looked smaller and creased with age, and her skin paler than mine.
As she sat in front of her vanity bare-faced, she seemed almost vulnerable.
I decided to speak without preamble.
“I have made a decision.”
She barely spared me a glance, fingers rummaging through myriad products to select what she was looking for.
“And what decision is that?”
“Cryssa and I are parting ways.”
Mother froze, a satin powder puff lifted to her cheek.
“No.” For a moment, I thought I’d misheard. But her jaw was set in that familiar ornery way. “I won’t allow it.”
Just weeks ago, I would have backed down, even if it meant my unhappiness.
“It’s not for you to decide.”
Although quiet, the words echoed in the chamber.
She set her powder down and speared me with her gaze in the mirror.
“What is it you wish of me?” The words were bitten and blunt. “I don’t understand you, Olympia. Cryssa is a gift, and you squander it without remorse.”
“Cryssa is a person, not a gift,” I reminded her. “And I adore her very much, but I simply don’t love her in a romantic way. It would be cruel to keep her in this union.”
“Love?” she scoffed, turning towards me. “Love in aromantic way?Love and romance are nothing in the face of duty and honor. You made a promise to your people, and you need to see it through.”
“I will be issuing a public apology.”
Mother stood with a scrape of her chair.
“The hell you will! Summerstreams do not apologize.”
“I’d rather apologize to my people than wither away in a loveless marriage,” I rebutted. “You know firsthand what that does to a person.”
It was a cruel blow. I saw the way my words made her cheek twitch. Her eyes widened in surprise and hurt.
“I will not approve of this madness,” she declared. “No matter what you say, or how you try to hurt me with the past.”
“I’m not trying to hurt you, mother. But I wished to remind you how painful it is to be with someone you don’t truly love.”
“Don’t truly love?” she echoed, crossing her arms. A furrow of irritation creased her forehead. “Is that what you think? That I didn’t love your father?”
I mirrored her stance. “Well, yes. You barely spoke to one another.”
She shook her head, glancing away. “It’s true that our match was arranged by the elders, but I adored your father from the start. He was handsome and learned and artistic… I gave him everything he desired so he wouldn’t feel like abird in a fancy cage. His words, not mine.”
For a moment, she seemed lost in memories. “But you cannotbuysomeone’s love. You can’t plead or bargain for it. Either it’s there, or it isn’t.”
She tightened the ties of her robe. “Learn from me, my dear. It’s always better to be with someone who loves you more than you love them. It doesn’t matter if you don’t love Cryssa—she loves you, and she’ll treat you well. What more can you ask for in a marriage?”
“I don’t want to settle,” I whispered. “I want it all without compromise.”
