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“It’s been a while, sweet Alpha,” she said with a shy little laugh, so very different from her stern expressions during our council meetings.
Dread twisted in my stomach, turning sharply like a corkscrew.
Goddess, what was wrong with me? Surely any other Alpha would be chomping at the bit just to hear a hazy recording of Cryssa saying those words.
But…
I wished I could say that the day’s stress barred me from enjoying the pleasure Cryssa offered so freely. She was a lovely human being, always thinking of my comfort first, and I often counted myself lucky for winning over an omega like her. I couldn’t imagine anyone else who would be so patient with my inadequacies.
Because desire was a fruitless endeavor. Each incident left me feeling emptier than the last, like a hollow pit that could never be filled.
After our last encounter, I had vowed never to embarrass myself again.
I would go through the motions if Ihadto, perhaps for Cryssa’s birthday, her heats, or other such special occasions. But I wasn’t a liar and it pained me to feign pleasure with a companion I highly respected and would happily grow old with.
In a society that placed sex and mating on a pedestal, I fell short of expectations yet again. The very idea of pleasing an omega seemed like performance art to me—an option, not a necessity.
The idea of taking control, as Alphas were expected to do, made my skin crawl.
“No.” I fervently hoped Cryssa didn’t mistake the throaty rasp of my voice for desire. “Thank you, no.”
I let my fingers ghost over hers in recompense, hoping it would soften the blow of the refusal.
“What about you?” I asked, guilt forcing the words from my throat. “Can I do anything?”
She hesitated a moment before shaking her head. Although she tried her hardest to conceal her disappointment, errant embers of her pheromones sparked the air, and I shifted guiltily, wishing I could summon the energy to perform for her.
“Help me up, will you? These knees aren’t what they used to be,” she murmured, and I tugged her onto her feet with ease. She settled next to me on the comfortable seat, her shoulder resting against my own.
The alarming scent of arousal had faded, replaced by earthy notes of warm cinnamon and sage. It slid over me like a warm blanket, banking the panic that had risen just seconds before.
Her lips found the apex of my forehead, pressing a lingering kiss there.
“We should talk about this lack of desire,” she murmured against my skin. “When you’re ready.”
“I know,” I agreed, unable to meet her eyes. “I appreciate you being patient with me.”
Soft breaths whispered against my forehead as she said, “You are worth the wait, sweet Alpha.”
Was I?
The answer was a resoundingno.
There was no denying that I found Cryssa’s company pleasant and comforting. Her scent had a unique quality to it, untying the knots of anxiety that tangled in my chest. Unwinding after a long day in court was made ten times better in her presence.
But the truth remained that she was there because Ineededher to be—for appearance’s sake. While I was content being unmated, the world wasn’t. It was full of cruel speculation, especially for people like me whose heirs would be celebrated by an entire kingdom.
It wasn’t right to dub Cryssa a decoy, but… That’s exactly what she was.
A decoy to distract prying eyes from my lack of interest inallomegas.
I tried to swallow the guilt that lodged in my throat, but it remained stuck, pulsing hard as a reminder that I was an awful human being for using a lovely omega for my own selfish needs.
A knock at the door came as a welcome reprieve.
“The hovercrafts are ready, Your Highness,” a footman clad in earth-toned livery informed us. “We depart within the hour.”
“Thank you, Robertus,” Cryssa acknowledged with a tilt of her head. “How long is the journey?”
