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I’m not the same Janey he knew before.
I’m not the same person I was then.
I’ve grown stronger, changed for the better, and learned what it really means to have a partner stand at your side and at your back, even when things go to hell in a fiery handbasket.
He doesn’t say a word, only stammers senselessly, which definitely doesn’t resemble a true apology, so I keep going. “I’ll own that I let it go on too long, but you did too. You were more than happy to be hurtful, dismissive, and cruel to me. I learned from it. Have you? Or are you still the jerk you always were, out for yourself, no matter the cost to anyone else?”
“Wait a minute, it wasn’t all bad. We had some good times. If you’ve forgotten, I could remind you,” he says with a sleepy-eyed smile, dragging a fingertip around the rim of his coffee mug like that’s supposed to be sexy, even though I know he couldn’t find a clit with an anatomy drawing, a headlamp, and a tour guide.
“No. Hell. No.” I hold up both hands, giving him my palms in the universal ‘stop’ sign. I think I’m channeling Kayla as I do it, but it works now the way it worked for her.
Henry’s smile falters, and I think for the first time, he’s realizing that I’m not the forgiving, weak, scrap-accepting woman I used to be. I’m strong, powerful, and know my worth. And my new and improved expectations are astronomical and still being surpassed each and every day by one man.
Cole.
“Whatever. You look like shit. Your eyes are all bloodshot, your hair’s frizzy, and you smell like old people,” Henry accuses, despite his earlier claims to the contrary.
Truthfully, I saw myself in the bathroom mirror and I do look awful. Not that it matters because that has nothing to do with Henry’s bluster now. He’s lashing out, trying to hurt me again, and using the easiest weapon he can—my appearance—to put me down and make himself feel superior.
“That’s enough,” a gruff voice says behind me.
I smile, not needing to turn around. I knew Cole was listening from afar, letting me have my moment to shine and trusting that I could handle myself while keeping watch over me. I sink back into him, letting my back rest against his solid chest, and he places possessive hands on my shoulders.
“Who’s this?” Henry demands, sounding angry at the idea that I might have found someone else despite having been screwing around on me while we were actually together.
“My boyfriend,” I answer with a smirk. It’s never seemed sillier to describe Cole as a ‘boy’, but the look on Henry’s face at that reply is worth it. I laugh. “Did you think I was sitting around pining foryou?”
I give him a look up and down, knowing that he’s already comparing himself to Cole and finding himself lacking. Not in the ways that truly matter, like heart and soul, but in the things Henry values—money, attractiveness, and dominance.
Yeah, Henry knows my trigger spots. But I know his too. I avoided them at all costs while we were together, no matter how many times he trampled over mine. But now? I feel free to say what I’ve thought so many times before. Ironically, for all the rambling I did, I somehow kept the truth tucked deep inside, filtering that from Henry.
“You made me weak because you liked feeling superior to me,” I say, and Henry starts to argue. I keep talking, taking some of the blame, “And I let you. But I’m better now. Not because Cole made me strong but becauseIdid.” I pat myself on the chest proudly and then smile. “Bonus, he likes that because he can handle my best me. I’m happy now, for the first time ever.”
“You forgot to tell him how I worship your sexy body until you’ve come so many times, you pass out in my arms,” Cole stage-whispers in my ear, loud enough for Henry, and those close, to hear.
I have to laugh. He’s letting me have my ‘I am woman, hear me roar’ moment, but he’s still possessive and wants to shamelessly claim me.
The ladies at the next table, who’ve apparently been eavesdropping, cheer. “Ooh, girl, did you hear that?”
“Yeah, and what he said,” I add, feeling a blush creep up my neck.
“Whatever,” Henry snaps, still eyeing Cole like he’s considering possible angles where he might come out on top but finding none.
The truth is Cole is ten times the man Henry will ever be. Not because he’s stronger, richer, or more attractive. Or because he’s perfect, because he’s definitely not. It’s because I don’t have to wonder where I stand with him. He’s upfront and honest to a fault. I don’t have to search for silver linings in Cole. He’s all gray, all the time, but that’s somehow exactly what I need. I don’t have to hide any part of myself, not even the weird ones, with Cole. He accepts me as I am and celebrates everything about me.
I’m done here. I’m glad to have had this opportunity to tell Henry what I think, but it won’t change anything for him. He’ll brush me off easily, the way he always did. But it did change something for me. I have a sharper clarity now on my relationship with Cole and what it means.
“Let’s go home,” I tell Cole.
He doesn’t answer, just guides me away from Henry. I don’t look back, not even once. I don’t need to. That part of my life is over. That version of myself is gone.
I’m sure Cole looks back, though, because he chuckles at my side as we exit the diner.
Outside, he stops us, creating a safe space for me with my back against the wall and his hands on my hips. “You okay?” he asks, lifting my chin with a finger. When I meet his eyes, he’s gazing at me in wonder.
“Yeah,” I answer, then reconsider. “Actually, better than okay. It felt so good to finally say all that,” I confess.
Cole grins, looking proud of me. “It was sexy as hell.”
