Page 53 of Dirty Like Us


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I went out on the balcony a while, looking out over the glittering city, and pondered it. Because Elle was family too, and I really didn’t want to be the motherfucker who pissed everyoneoff.

Zane marries Maggie and I break up withElle?

Who’s the assholenow?

Shit. How would everyonereact?

Would they be pissed atme?

We’d been in this band, together, for a decade. Elle, Zane, Dylan and I. And no one was gonna be happy about what I was about todo.

Least of allElle.

But I had to doit.

I’d wait until after tomorrow’s show, though. Tonight’s show. It was after five in the morning; the tour would be overtonight.

The morning after the show, Elle and I were going to her place in L.A.. I was hoping to meet up with my sister when she got into town. Just planning to lay low. Write some music. Spend time with friends. Take a little break before the new albumlaunch.

Now all I wanted to do was gohome.

Have some timealone.

I was sofuckingtired.

I collapsed into bed near dawn, feeling like I could finally sleep because the decision had been made, as difficult as itwas.

As painful as this thing was gonnabe.

It just had to bedone.

When we got back to L.A., I’d sit Elle down. I’d ask Brody to set up a flight. Get me back to Vancouver by the end of the day. But before I left, I’d have to look her in the eye. I’d have to tellher.

We couldn’t drag this outanymore.

I just couldn’t do it anotherday.

When I woke, it was late morning and Jude had left a text. I’d missed our morningrun.

There was a text from Elle, too. She wanted to talk. She said she wassorry.

As I stared at the words, a text came in from Dylan. He was hungry. As usual. He wanted to meet up forlunch.

I put the phone down. I felt groggy and over-tired. I’d slept five hours; it had been a heavy, dark, dreamless sleep, but as I gradually blinked my way to life, everything became so fuckingclear.

I threw the curtains open. It was a blazing, gorgeous day. I looked down over the Strip. It was gonna be a killer fucking show tonight. I could feelit.

This band, the music, were my heart and my soul. And I loved my bandmates. I lovedElle.

But the hard truth was, I wasn’t in love with her. Not like she was in love withme.

And not like shedeserved.

I knew it with certainty as I showered and gotdressed.

Zane had texted by then. The band was heading to a restaurant. I’d meet up with them for lunch. I’d be damned sure no one suspected anything was off. I’d be civil with Elle. She wouldn’t pushit.

She always knew I needed time to come back to center after a fight anyway. That was the advantage of a relationship with someone who knew you so well; they understood all your little flaws andweirdnesses.

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