AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I did not understand him. But it didn’t even matter, did it.
Because I fucking loved him, and there was nothing either of us could do to change that.
He could let me go.
Hell, he could even tell me to go… and I’d still love him.
ChapterThirty-Eight
Shane
Istood on the balcony outside my hotel room in the dark, smoking a blunt. Looking out at the dark shapes of the mountains above the village, against the darker sky.
Today, I’d had a long conversation with my dad over the phone. I’d called him from the city. And instead of arguing with him about things I couldn’t change, I actually just tried to listen to him. I listened when he told me how much he wanted me to be here tonight, and I believed him.
I told him I was sorry that I hadn’t been around this week, or much at all. I told him I had a lot going on, things that I was dealing with. I told him that I was thinking about giving up fighting, and he didn’t even lecture me about it, one way or the other.
Maybe in truth, he’d stopped lecturing me long ago, but I just failed to notice it. We didn’t talk much about my fighting anymore. He didn’t approve of it, because it was illegal. And maybe because he didn’t want me getting hurt.
But today he didn’t press me on any of it.
He was understanding. Supportive.
When I didn’t come at him with that chip on my shoulder, that shield I’d thrown up between us, so long ago… I could feel my dad’s love for me.
I didn’t tell him about Jolie. I wouldn’t do that without talking to her about it first. I would never want to make her the reason, if I didn’t come to his wedding. Because that would be on me. I wouldn’t confess to my Dad that I loved her before I even told her, either. And I definitely wouldn’t tell my dad about any of it right before his wedding.
That would’ve been terrible timing. Selfish timing.
I’d come within an inch of not coming to the wedding at all, though. I’d considered just taking the whole possibility of seeing her again out of the equation, because I didn’t know how I was gonna do it.
I was tired of fighting. At least, I was tired of fighting the wrong things.
I was tired of fighting with myself.
I promised myself, after Lex came clean with me about the car accident the other night, and I had time to think on it, that I’d stop fighting with myself. And fighting with everyone I loved, too.
Unless it was really something worth fighting about.
Because I was tired of trying to convince myself of things that didn’t have to be true. And if that car accident really wasn’t my fault… then a lot of the way I’d been looking at my life was untrue, too.
I didn’t have to be a fighter.
I didn’t have to be such a lone wolf.
I didn’t have to be alone.
I didn’t have to protect myself, so damn hard from everyone and everything.
But I couldn’t be the boss of her, either.
Not on this.
The drive up to Whistler today, alone, just gave me more of what I didn’t need, which was time alone to think about it. Because I’d already made up my mind, by the time I got in the car, knowing I’d be seeing her tonight.
I couldn’t try to force Jolie to stay with me. I had to let her choose the life she wanted.
But I wanted more time with her. Whatever time I could get.
