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He rolled his eyes and pulled out a chair. “Fine. Deal me in. Let’s discuss other things—like your asshole ex, Owen. Luke fired him. Matt arrested him, but Ava has already bailed him out. I heard Liam is trying to find him to do lord knows what to him. You’re pressing charges, right? Gram said he shoved you.”
“Well, yeah, he did. But that was after I slugged him in the stomach and probably broke his toe. I mean, he did sneak up on me and grab my ass so technically he started it. You know how my temper is.”
He laughed. “I know. You’re still in therapy, right?”
“No, I quit that. I’m okay now.”
Dad’s eyes were gentle and contemplative. “Holly, you’re sleeping at Ash’s place because you can’t be alone in the dark. Think about staying with your mom and me again, okay, honey?”
I wrinkled my nose. “It sounds so much worse when you put it like that,” I muttered. “I’ll think about it.”
“Being able to slide into denial and pretend you’re okay is not the same as healing,” Cade added.
I snorted. “Whatever you say, Dr. Phil.”
“She’s deflecting.” He addressed Ash and not me. “What smells so good?”
“Meatloaf.”
“Awesome.” Cade crossed his feet at the ankles as Ash dealt him a hand and Dad headed into the living room to turn on the TV.
Apparently, they were staying for dinner. When Ash passed him a beer I knew for sure they were here for the evening.
Great.
Cade was the sibling who approached problems head on, and my dad would be sweet and sympathetic until I broke down and spilled my guts everywhere. I should have gone back to Levi and Jude’s. There I’d be three beers deep and stuffing my face with pizza right about now instead of about to be shoved headfirst into an emotional breakthrough.
“I’m not in denial,” I halfheartedly protested.
Cade leaned back in his chair. “Okay, then let’s talk about what happened that night in your tent.”
“Sure, Mr. Tough Love. I’ll just unload everything right now.”
“Defensive,” he remarked to Ash, with a look of concern on his face. I knew he loved me. I also realized he was trying to help but I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to accept any help. Not from him, or Dad, or anyone. I had tried therapy but saying what had happened to me out loud had only made me feel worse. Maybe I needed to talk to someone different or just suck it up and make another appointment to try again.
“Lay off her, Cade,” Dad shouted from Ash’s couch. “Not everyone deals with things the same way and that’s okay. Sometimes peace, quiet and a little bit of time are all that’s needed. But not too much time, Holly. You can’t go on like this forever, honey.”
Cade took a deep breath. “Okay, Dad is right, I just hate seeing you in pain, Holls. I wanted to help you. I’m sorry. And I’ll admit that Charlotte has me wound up tight. I came on too strong with you. I’m really sorry if I was too harsh.”
I shrugged a shoulder up. “I know you’re trying to be helpful, but I can’t deal with it now. Maybe it’s dumb but thinking about it puts me back inside that tent in the dark and I’m just not ready to go there again.”
“I’ll say one more thing and then I swear I’ll stop, okay?”
I put my cards down and nodded for him to continue.
“When someone wants to do you harm, you have to do whatever it takes to save your own life. I know it’s hard to come to terms with, but what else could you have done? Let him hurt you?”
My eyes drifted to the table as I forced myself to keep listening.
“You did the right thing. If you take only one thing from what I said tonight, please let it be that. You did what you had to do and I’m so damn happy you’re still around.”
I nodded “Okay. I heard you. I promise.”
“Good,” he chuckled. “Because I wasn’t finished yet. You’ve always been independent and pretty fucking fearless too. You traveled all over the world alone. That night shook you. It reframed how you see yourself.” I opened my mouth to respond but he held up a hand. “Don’t answer. Just listen. I know you’re struggling because I’ve been there. I know how it feels to have to fight for your life and what you have to do to win. We can talk about it whenever you want. The memories are going to keep haunting you, Holly. They won’t stop until you’re ready to face them.”
Maybe his words held more weight because he was a cop. Or maybe because he was my big brother. Or just maybe, as each day passed, I was more ready to hear the encouragement everyone in my life was trying to give me because what he’d said penetrated the shield I’d built up over the last few months. But I still didn’t want to talk about it.
“I want to talk about it—someday. I just can’t right now. Okay?”
