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When it comes to Braydon, my feelings run deep. But love? I have no idea if what I feel for him islove. I have nothing to compare it to.
The sentiment lingered in the air, the single word heavier than gravity. I’d wanted to tell him I cared deeply for him, but he cut me off before the words left my lips. Probably better that I hadn’t said anything. The night may have ended differently had I not been cut off.
“He is a good guy.” Warmth spreads beneath my breastbone as I say the words.Is that love?
Braydon lifts my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles. The warmth from seconds ago burns hotter.Maybe it is love.Either way, I’m not ready to admit it out loud.
I blink and refocus on Anderson. “Anything you want to do today?”
Lifting the mug to his lips, he sips his tea. “Nothing in particular. Did you have plans?”
“With the Fourth coming up, we didn’t plan much this weekend,” Braydon says.
Though the Fourth of July celebration has always been a major shindig in Lake Lavender, it feels more monumental this year. With all the festivals recently added to the town’s lineup, the events we previously celebrated have been given more attention. There won’t just be fireworks over the lake this year. Nope. Mayor Higston wants to close two blocks of Main Street to vehicles and throw a party. Smoked meats, face painting, games, and more. If it is considered summer fun, she plans to add it.
“How about hiking?” I suggest.
The last time I truly hiked was with Anderson. He and I have explored so much in the area, but not every trail. Weeks ago, Braydon mentioned his love for the outdoors. It is one of the main reasons he enjoys traveling for work. Not only did he see new towns, he also got to trek through different forests.
Braydon looks to Anderson, a spark of hope in his amber eyes. Since Braydon and I started dating, we have yet to hike or camp. Most of our time has been spent in the apartment, out with my friends, or clouded by the vandalism.
Shit.Should probably mention all the craziness to Anderson.
Later. I will catch him up later.
“Hiking sounds great.” He sets his mug down. “Let me get some stuff from the van and scope out the trail maps. Then we can head out.” Anderson grabs the seat of his chair, scoots back and rises with his empty dishes.
The soft click of the front door echoes through the apartment, followed by thethump, thump, thumpof Anderson’s feet as he descends the stairs for his van.
Braydon picks up his mug and downs the last of his coffee. “Your brother is great.”
Pride fills my chest. Had Anderson heard Braydon’s compliment, he would have reddened and dismissed it.
“He is.” I push back on my chair, stand and collect my dishes. “Thank you.”
I head for the kitchen as Braydon stands and gathers his own dishes. As I set my plate in the dishwasher, arms band around my middle. Heat blankets my back from shoulder to hip as Braydon snuggles closer. His lips on my neck a beat before the tip of his nose trails the shell of my ear.
Without him saying it, Ifeelthe words on the tip of his tongue.I love you.But he says nothing. His silence is equal parts relief and hurt.
Badly as I want to hear the words again, to know how much he cares, I also hope the sentiment is forgotten. At least a little longer. Until I figure out what it isIfeel. What it isIwant.
Selfish as it is, I need time. Time to mull over my feelings. Time to think without Braydon here. And time to ask advice from people who have known me most or all my life. I just need time… to decide and then tell Braydon. And hopefully, neither of us gets hurt in the end.
CHAPTER34
BRAYDON
She is pushing me away. All because I opened my mouth too soon.
Damnit.
Late Sunday afternoon, I left Lake Lavender with the tingle of her kiss still fresh on my lips. The weekend was nice. Spending time with and getting to know her brother was a big step. But with each new conversation I’d had with Anderson, Alessandra pulled away a little more.
She’d been quiet, reserved. Traits I hadn’t seen from her prior. I chalked it up to her wanting to spend time with her brother.
But her near silence the past three and a half days has my stomach in knots.
I stare down at my phone screen at the message I sent before I left for work this morning. Almost five hours ago. The message she has yet to respond to.
