AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“He knows where I am,” she responds without hesitation. “He knows who I’m with.” Her eyes flick to mine with new resolve. “And he knows where I’m going when I leave.” She licks her lips and inhales deeply. “Home. Alone.”
“You don’t have to go home alone.”
She shuffles back, her head shaking as she growls, and heads for the stairs. “Yes, I do. And if you want a ride back to the inn, I suggest you knock this shit off and follow me to the car.” Foot on the first step, she stops, grips the rail tightly, and stares down the stairwell. “I was happy to have you back, Ben.” She inhales a shaky breath. “But if you can’t respect my wishes, if you aren’t capable of being my friend…” Glassy eyes meet mine and knock the air from my lungs. “Then maybe all we’ll ever be is strangers.”
TWENTY-TWO
KIRSTEN
Argh!
Never in my life have I wanted to punch someone. Truly beat the crap out of them. Throw strike after strike at them until common sense kicks in. Get in their face and scream. Ask why.
Why, why, why?
Leave it to Benjamin Chace Wilks, my childhood friend next door, to bring that urge to the surface. For years, he was my best friend, my person, one of the few people I thought I could trust with my heart, my secrets, my everything. Seeing him after so many years apart is like coming home. Rekindling our friendship and having the chance to know him again has been the best gift.
In one swift move, he ruined it.
I hate this itchiness beneath my skin. I hate that I now have this bitter guilt pulsing in my veins. Guilt and shame for somethinghedid, something he pushed me to do.
Although it was merely seconds, I kissed him back. I softened in his embrace. I gave into the feel of his lips and mouth and tongue on mine. So warm and inviting. So exhilarating and impeccable. For a blip in time, kissing Ben felt right. Sublime. Unparalleled.
Then his moan ripped through the air and brought me back to reality.
Travis and I may not have defined our relationship with words like boyfriend and girlfriend, but we are definitely more than a one-night stand. Though neither of us is eager to announce or flaunt whatever our relationship is to anyone else, we stepped out of the friend zone and into something more.
And until we sort out our relationship, until we decide what our future looks like, other people are off limits. Regardless of how I feel about them.
Turning into the lot for the inn, I drive up to the loading zone by the doors and throw the car in park. Eyes forward, I drop my hands to my lap and let my eyes lose focus.
“Please don’t be mad, sparkles.” Soft and stilted, his plea fills the cab. “I, I…”
I wait for him to finish his thought. To explain further. To give mesomeform of understanding.
An idiot, I am not. Friends don’t kiss other friends the way Ben kissed me without wanting a relationship beyond friendship. But I admit it was foolish of me to not see what was right in front of my face. The smiles he gives me and no one else. The way he challenges Travis at every turn. Texts and calls I assumed were two friends catching up and making up for lost time. The dinners he most likely saw as a date that I regarded as two friends hanging out.
Idiot, idiot, idiot.
Inhaling deeply, I count to three and compose myself. “You what?” I twist in my seat and take in his pained expression.
His gaze drifts and loses focus out the window. In the faint light from the inn, I study his expression, the lines of his profile,him.
Ben is more than a beautiful man. He is more than defined muscles and arm candy. More than surface-level appeal. If you’re lucky enough to know him, really know him, he’ll unveil his soul. The gentle, reserved, sweet, and irresistible side of him. Traits I glimpsed in our formative years but didn’t have the faculty to grasp yet. Traits that have matured well with him over the years.
Is it selfish of me to want this side of him? The piece he should only gift to someone willing to give just as much, if not more, in return.
Yes. It’s thoughtless and indulgent and unfair.
A ridge forms between his brows a beat before his gaze returns to mine. Adam’s apple bobbing, his audible swallow echoes in my ears. “I misread the moment,” he confesses, voice thick and raspy. He gives a subtle shake of his head, then laughs without humor. “Seems to be a talent of mine.”
Reaching across the console, I take his hand. Probably an unwise move on my part, but I need his attention on me and not elsewhere. He drops his chin and looks at our joined hands. His face twists in pain.
“Ben…”
I squeeze his hand and his eyes close. With that simple action, I know no matter what I say, a fissure will always exist between us. Only time can stitch it back together. Even then, we will never be whole. Not in the way he wants. Not in the way either of us wishes.
Licking my lips, I ignore the pang in my belly. “There will always be a part of me that loves you, Ben.”
