AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I’m just not sure why you want to know, and why you can’t see how awkward thisis.”
He sighed and I wasn’t sure if it was in frustration ornot.
“You have been stuck in one relationship forever. The woman I met in the bar was scared, lonely, and unsure of herself until she discovered she was wanted. She willingly walked into my room, stripped naked, and let me fuck her. Okay, she fell asleep before we’d really gotten going, but the eyes ofthatwoman, the one acting out a fantasy, were alive. For that few hours, she came to life; she became empowered. She wanted something and she tookit.”
He’d been speaking in that low, gravelly voice I heard when he was aroused and knew he was reliving every moment, as wasI.
“Acting out a sexual fantasy isn’t empowering. Becoming a successful single woman is,” I said, a littlebreathless.
“And how do you do that in what is a predominantly man’s world,Lauren?”
“I don’t have to use sex to doit.”
“It’s not about using sex, it’s about being confident enough to know what you want and to takeit.”
I wasn’t sure I saw the comparison between work and sex. I wasn’t sure about the ‘taking it’ part,either.
“You are the only female head of a department. All the colleagues on your level are men. Do you socialise with any ofthem?”
“No, I don’t socialise with anyone fromwork.”
“Because you’ve been so focussed on being the good wife,correct?”
“Yes.”
“And where did that getyou?”
His comment stung. I hadn’t realised I’d leaned my body closer to his while we’d been talking, until I sat bolt upright and a gapappeared.
“That hurt, Mackenzie,” I said, deciding to betruthful.
“It was supposed to. Use that hurt, focus on it here.” He placed his hand on my lowerstomach.
We fell silent as two plates were placed in front of us. I picked up my cutlery and began to eat, not making eye contact with him. I tried hard not to, it was the most inappropriate place, but I started to think about fantasies. It was something I’d never really consideredbefore.
“I don’t know that I have any. Although, it was exciting to do what I did that evening, in the bar. It was something I’d never done before, but I don’t have a list ofbedroomachievements to meet,” I saidquietly.
“All women, and men, have fantasies, Lauren. We all have a, ‘try before I die’ list. I imagine as a teenager you lusted over a movie or a pop star, am Icorrect?”
“Yes.”
“Then that was a sexualfantasy.”
“Can you stop saying that word,sexual?” I asked, looking around as Idid.
“The restaurant is mostly empty, no one can hear me. Does sex, or talk of it, embarrassyou?”
I had to think before I answered. I used the excuse of taking another mouthful offood.
“Over a meal,yes.”
“Liar.” He placed his cutlery on the table. “You need to unlock that box, up here,” he said and tapped the side of my head. “Let yourself be free, for once, without the confines of your Britishness, without that ridiculous notion that you can’t be asexualcreature, who likes to take and give pleasure. You’ll find it veryliberating.”
Of course, he drew out the word, ‘sexual.’
Was I frigid in my thinking? I’d had sex, plenty of times, but I guessed for the most part, it was just the good old missionary position, with very littleexperimentation.
I finished my meal insilence.
