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“All fine, your baby is okay,” she said, with tears streaming down her face.
I closed my eyes but couldn’t stop the sob. “I killed him. If I hadn’t, he was going to kill my baby, or me.”
“Shush, don’t say anymore,” she said, looking over to the policewoman.
“I didn’t hear a thing, love,” the woman said, smiling kindly at me.
“What’s going to happen now?”
“They can’t charge you for murder. It was self-defence. Daniel has got you an amazing lawyer, he was here yesterday. And there is a neighbour, he heard you fighting and screaming for help. He called the police as well.”
“Daniel? How long have I been here?” I wasn’t concerned about the neighbour, not understanding the importance.
“A week. You’ve been out of it for most of the time. You’ve got some injuries that needed fixing.”
I raised an arm covered in plaster. “It needed pinning. They had to do an operation, Amber.”
I nodded and closed my eyes.
“I was meant to feel free,” I whispered.
“You are, Amber. You’re free now but it will take some time, my lovely. You’ve fallen and we’re going to build you back up. When you’re standing tall, you’ll feel all the freedom, I promise you.”
* * *
Daniel came to visit,and he held my hand. “You still owe me a dinner date, you know that, right? I sat there like a right pillock on my own.”
I laughed. As much as my bruised and beaten face would allow me to.
“You’ll have a few people visiting soon. The police, obviously. Your lawyer, and a woman from a domestic violence charity too. She’ll help you through this, put you in touch with counsellors and what not,” he said.
“You don’t have to hang around, Daniel.”
“Trying to get rid of me?”
“Look at me. I’m fit for nobody. I’m having a baby, his baby, and I have to... manage that.”
I knew I would love my baby no matter what. It was a part of me, but it also carried his genes, and I would try my hardest to make sure there wasn’t a trace of him anywhere.
“When you’re ready, Amber.”
“I still have a way to fall, Daniel. I’ve got to hit bottom before I can rise again.”
“And I’ll be here when you do.”
I knew the mental damage would last way longer than the broken bones. Andrew had tried to kill my baby; I had no doubt about that.
I needed to sleep.
It was during the night that I woke again. I was in my own room, and the door was open. Light from the corridor filtered in. I could hear whispered conversations between nurses, the odd cry from a patient. The police woman walked in carrying a coffee.
“You’re awake?” she said, stating the obvious.
“I am. Unless I’m medicated, I can’t sleep. I keep seeing him. Do you know if he’s really dead?”
It was something that came to me while I’d dozed. What if he was still alive? What if he was still out there waiting for his time to finish me?
“He’s dead, love. And sounds like he deserves to be. He did a right number on you, didn’t he? And not for the first time, either, so I hear.”
