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Chapter 2
Lea
“Morning, honey,” my mom greets me as I walk into the kitchen.
“Morning.” I walk over to the kitchen table and take a seat then watch in a daze as she turns over bacon in a pan then places eggs on the griddle. “Are you expecting an army?” I ask, watching as she adds pancakes to a large platter that is already overflowing.
“Rhonda called me this morning. Ben’s going out on an opener, and she doesn’t want to sit at home alone all day, so she’s coming for breakfast¸ and then we’re going to check out the new yarn and craft store that opened up in town.
“How long have she and Ben been together?” I ask curiously. In high school, Ben was the typical guy. He was always dating someone new, and Rhonda was very sweet but shy, and kept to herself or the few friends she had. I don’t even remember them talking back then.
“Going on about five years, I think. She went away to college, and when she came back to town, they just hit it off and were inseparable.”
“I’m happy for them. She was always nice, and Ben was a good guy.”
“Ben adores her, and yes, she is. She reminds me a lot of you, actually.”
“Really?”
“Yes, she’s been very good to me when I’m home, always helping me with anything I need, or just coming over to visit.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” I whisper, feeling guilty.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. You know I’ve loved going out to Montana to visit you. It’s nice to get away for a few months every now and then; plus, you had your own life to live. It’s not as if I never saw you.”
“I know. It’s just…I wish I hadn’t been so far away or that I could have gotten here sooner than I did.”
“Ken’s a dick.”
“Mom,” I sigh.
“No,” she points the spatula at me, “he’s a self-centered asshole who thinks the world revolves around him. What happened between the two of you is not your fault. And the way he acted when he found out you were coming here to stay was deplorable.”
She was right about that. When I told him I had to leave to take care of my mom, he told me I needed to stay until we separated all of our assets. I hated him for that; it was already hard enough being in the same town as him and his girlfriend, but him making it hard for me to leave when my mom needed me showed me a side of him I didn’t even know existed. “There’s a lot you don’t know.” I try but don’t even know why I bother she’s right about him, but I have always felt like I could have tried harder or been a better wife which I know is stupid.
“I know more than enough,” she states, and before I can reply, there’s a knock on the back door, and Rhonda pokes her head inside through the crack.
“Hey.” She smiles when she sees me sitting at the table.
“Hi.” I smile back, feeling awkward. It’s not her that makes me uncomfortable; it’s what happened with Ben on the ferry that I can’t get out of my head. I hate feeling judged by anyone, and I know Ben has probably talked to her about everything that went on fifteen years ago.
“Take a seat before you topple over,” my mom says in greeting, making Rhonda laugh as she goes to the fridge, opening it up.
“Sorry about Ben,” she says softly, and I pull my eyes from my mom who is pulling out a bottle of syrup to look at her. “He shouldn’t have talked to you like that.”
“It’s okay,” I reply just as softly, not wanting my mom to know what happened, I don’t want her to worry about me right now.
“What are you two whispering about?” Mom cuts in, setting a plate in front of each of us.
“I was telling Rhonda that I hope she is hungry, since you seem to have cooked for twelve instead of three,” I lie, and Rhonda laughs again placing her hand on her stomach.
“I’m eating for two, and since this little guy seems to be taking after his father, you could even say I’m eating for three.”
“How far along are you?” I ask as my hand itches to reach out and touch her stomach.
“Just about seven months.”
“Holy cow,” I breathe. Her stomach is already huge, so I can only imagine how she will look when she’s full term.
“I know.” She nods. “I keep telling Ben that he’s having the next one. I had no idea that I was going to blow up like a whale.” She smiles.
“You look beautiful, pregnancy looks good on you.” I tell her softly.
“I can’t wait till he gets here so I can hold him,” my mom says, and pain slices through me. I have always wanted children, and if by some chance I find a man to have a family with one day, I won’t be able to share any of that with her. She will never hold her grandchildren; she won’t even be there to lean on when I have questions or concerns about being a mom.
“Sorry, I’ll be right back,” I excuse myself from the table and go to the bathroom. The second I’m behind the closed door, I burst into silent tears. I have no idea how I’m going to make it through this time. She thinks we’re lucky to know she’s dying, but I feel like it’s so much worse this way. Now all I can think about is everything she will be missing out on, everything I will be missing out on without her. If she just were to have passed away suddenly, I would be forced to accept what happened and try to move on. With this situation, I feel stuck. There is no moving on, because I’m waiting for the inevitable to happen.
