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“It is, but I’m thinking about moving here and making this my home base. You know, the things we do for love,” she says, and my heart sinks a little at the thought of her and Austin in love, moving in together, and eventually starting a family. “Well, I better go. Austin’s waiting for me. See you around.”
“Bye,” I murmur, watching her walk away.
“God, I hate her,” Rhonda says, pulling my attention to her. “Just so you know, she and Austin are not as serious as she makes them out to be. They see each other when she’s in town, and from what Ben told me, Austin doesn’t even want to see her even then, half the time.” I have no response. I have no idea what to do with the feelings that are swirling around inside of me at the moment.
“Let’s find your mom.”
“Yeah,” I agree then follow her down one of the aisles, where my mom is standing, looking at stickers for scrapbooking. “Did you find anything you like?” I ask, coming to her side.
“I’m not sure I have the patience to do a scrapbook, but they have so many cute things that it almost makes me want to.”
“I’ll help you. We can make one together,” I suggest.
“Maybe we can do one with all the pictures I have of you and your dad,” she says quietly, picking up a packet of stickers of boats and waves.
“I would like that.” Although my dad has been gone for years, I feel like the wounds from his loss are still wide open. When he first passed away, we didn’t really talk about him much. I don’t think either of us really got any closure.
“It would be good for us,” she says, pulling her eyes from the items in her hands to look at me. “I think it’s time we let him go. Maybe we can see if Ben will take us out on his boat, and we can go to the place he was lost, to say goodbye?”
“I would like that,” I tell her watching as tears fill her eyes, she nods once whispering.
“It’s long overdue,”
Wrapping my arm around her shoulder and leaning my head against hers I nod. She was right; it was well past time we said our goodbyes to him. Over the next hour we picked out scrapbooking stickers. It felt good to laugh and talk about the good times we shared before he passed.
“I’m starving,” Rhonda says as we put our bags into the back of my mom’s SUV.
“How about we stop for tacos?” Mom suggests as I climb behind the wheel, and she and Rhonda buckle in.
“Yes,” Rhonda groans, making me laugh. She wasn’t lying about eating for three. Since we left the house this morning, I have seen her eat three cereal bars that she had tucked away inside her bag.
“Is that okay with you, honey?”
“Sounds good.” I say putting the car in drive. Today’s been one of the best days I’ve had in a long time. Mom has always been like my best friend, so spending time with her is always nice, and Rhonda is funny and easy to be around. I’d forgotten what it was like to have girlfriends to talk to. My friends from back home had been Ken’s friends as well. After I found out about his affair, I found out most of them knew about his relationship with Courtney. No one wanted to be the one to tell me what was going on so I was left to find out on my own while my friends went on like they didn’t know my husband was a cheating asshole.
“Baja Tacos is down near the pier,” Mom directs from the backseat as I pull out of the parking lot. When I reach the area near the pier, I comprehend how much the town I had grown up in has changed. Long gone are the small shops, and in their place are large buildings, most of them new.
“Make the next left,” Rhonda says, and I do, turning onto a small dirt road that travels back behind a few of the larger buildings and ends in front of a red shack that sits on stilts, with a large front deck covered in a white roof.
“How long has this place been here?” I ask, shutting off the engine.
“The owners opened it a few years ago. They actually appeared on Food Network for the ‘Best of Alaska’ a while back,” Rhonda replies, getting out and slamming the door.
“That’s so awesome.” I smile into the rearview mirror at my mom before hopping out.
“Austin.” Rhonda yells as I shut the door.
Turning my head, I see Rhonda walking toward the stairs of the restaurant, where Austin and Anna are stepping down into the dirt parking lot. The moment Rhonda stands in front of him, a smile comes over his face that takes my breath away. He leans forward, placing a kiss on her cheek, saying something to her. When she points her thumb over her shoulder, his body goes tight, his head lifts, and our gazes connect, causing a pain to slither through me.
When Austin was mine, I knew every single expression that would cross his face. Most of the time, he would look at me with tenderness, but there were times I would see frustration. What I never saw was anger, and that was the look he was giving me now. That was the look that was slicing me open.
“You ready to go inside?” Mom asks, and I pull my eyes from Austin’s as she takes my hand.
“Yep.” I smile down at her, giving her hand a light squeeze, taking some strength from our connection, a reminder of why I’m really here. When I look toward the restaurant, Austin and Anna are walking off in the opposite direction and Rhonda is waiting for us. My excitement about sitting down to a nice meal is gone, replaced with unease. I don’t even know if I taste the salmon tacos I ordered, and I try to smile when appropriate, but for the most part, I sit with a weight in my stomach while looking out at the beautiful view of the harbor, watching as boats come and go.
“I’ll get it,” I say, getting up off the couch when there’s a knock at the door.
“Will you bring me some of those cookies you baked when you come back?” my mom asks from her recliner, where she sat so we could watch a movie.
“Sure.” I smile, running my hand over her hair.
“Hey,” the deep timber of Austin’s voice greets me as I pull the door open to see him standing on the front porch. My heart starts to beat at a faster tempo as I realize he’s in front of me, so close I can smell his warm, masculine sent mixed with the smell of the ocean…so close I could reach out and touch him, if I was brave enough to do so. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” He shoves his hands into his pockets and takes a step back.
Swallowing hard, my eyes scan over him. “Um.” I look over my shoulder, seeing that my mom is still sitting in her chair. “Sure.” I pull my sweater tighter around me as I step out onto the front porch, letting the screen door close behind me. The moment I’m in front of him, I tilt my head back to catch his eyes. He was always much bigger than me, but now his presence seems to tower over me, making me feel small and insignificant. “What’s going on?” I ask, going for casual hoping that he doesn’t notice the way my voice shakes.
“I wanted to come clear the air.”
“Okay,” I reply, wrapping my arms tighter around myself, when all I want to do is touch him in some way to see if he’s real.
“This is a small town, and there is no way we’re not going to end up running into each other from time to time.”
“I know.”
“I know why you’re here, and I know your mom needs you right now, so I don’t want you to feel awkward when we do see each other.”
“Thank you.” I breathe in relief and his eyes drop from mine to my mouth and annoyance fills his features.
“I hate you, Lea,” he says, causing that small glimmer of hope I was feeling to fizzle out and turn my insides dark.
“I’m sorry,” I choke out.
