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“If we are a clan,” I say firmly, “then you need to know how much I want you, too.”
“But… this clan…”
“Alphas don’t have to have sex with one another, I’ll give you that. But I want you. And it feels right. Don’t you want it?” I rub a hand over my eyes, rephrase. “Don’t you want me? As in, have sex with me? You know, the undressed, sweaty kind, though I don’t know if there’s any other kind of—”
“I’m still not sure about this clan business,” Finnen says.
And something hot flares inside me. “Seriously? That’s all you got to say? Listen. If anyone is qualified for this shit, it’s you.”
“This shit?”
“Yeah. You’re a priest. You were raised to believe in the extraordinary. The magic, the divine, the miracles. Fate. I was raised to be practical, believe in my own two hands and my daring to make it through the day. If anyone should believe that these bonds, this clan, this persafin is possible, it should be you, not me.”
“There you go, whining again,” he mutters but he looks thoughtful.
Then again, he might just be pissed. Hard to tell with Finnen. Maybe even he himself can’t tell the difference anymore.
“You are the one who started this,” I say. “You and Ariadne.”
“And there you go again, talking about what happened like it’s a mistake.”
“No, dammit, that’s not what I mean. I mean that… that you started something and now you say you’re not sure about it. About this business. That’s what you said. You think you’re the only one furious because your plans for the future have been turned upside down?”
“I’m not furious,” he says quietly.
“Come again?”
“I never cared much about the future. I did my best to fit in, but it isn’t… it wasn’t what I wanted.”
“So what do you want?”
A shrug. A flush on high cheekbones. “Nothing,” he says and brushes by me, to go the gods know where.
“We all want something,” I counter, turning and grabbing his arm, forcing him to stop and face me once more.
“Speak for yourself,” he breathes, but his flush remains. “Let go of me.”
I release him after a long moment and he staggers away from me, walking backward, uncharacteristically awkward.
Then he stumbles.
“The fuck, Finn.” I catch him before he crashes into the rocks. “Finn!”
He growls. “Get your hands off me. I just…”
“Finn…”
A raw sound escapes him. Instead of pushing me away, he grabs at my arms, steps right into my embrace.
This time when I kiss him, he kisses me back, falling into me, and a knot unravels in my chest.
We haven’t found Ariadne yet, but this clan has begun knitting itself together. I hold him in my arms, marveling at this feeling. It’s like holding a star that fell from the sky, vibrating with power in my embrace, and I wonder.
I wonder what will happen when we find her, if she will draw more alphas to her, if I’ll want them the way I want Finnen. The way I want her.
“We should sleep,” I say. “So we can get up at first light to resume our search.”
He pulls back. Nods. Looks strangely subdued, which makes me worry that he’s in worse shape than he cares to show me.
