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I don’t recall ever wanting anything so bad in my life. This craving is consuming me, eating at my thoughts, ruling my body.
But Finnen isn’t ready to give in, it seems, unlike me. “You only step into the water if you plan on washing yourselves.” He carefully traces the rim of the tub and places the soap there, then soaps his chest. “Fair warning.”
“Fair warning?” Taj sounds incredulous. “My man, you’re rocking a hard-on fit to drill holes through the walls, but you don’t want to—?”
“I have my vows,” Finnen snaps, “how many times do I need to tell you that—”
“Fuck your vows,” Taj says.
“Taj,” I reprimand him, but I understand the sentiment. I stare at Finnen. Maybe he will always identify as a priest, always cling to that role.
Kiaran huffs and lowers me into the water, releasing my legs so I can stand and then sit down in the warmth. He sits on the rim as I gaze at Finnen in front of me. He has stilled, an alabaster marble, tense and stiff—in every sense of the word—across from me.
“Finn?” I whisper. “Do you still have doubts?”
His jaw works, like he wants to speak but can’t decide what to say.
“You are both idiots,” Kiaran says, glaring at Finnen, then at Taj who’s standing beside the tub.
“Me?” Taj growls. “Why the fuck would you say that?”
“So many… obstacles. Reasons, why you shouldn’t touch her,” Kiaran says. “You said… we’re a clan. You said… she is omega. We are alphas. We protect our mate. And we fuck our mate.”
“Good speech.” Taj’s mouth twitches. “Hear that, Finn?”
I sigh. “Guys…”
“You’re all obsessed with sex,” Finn murmurs.
“You just don’t know how to fuck,” Taj says, “and it bothers you. You excel at everything else but you’re a virgin, aren’t you?”
Finnen’s cheeks turn crimson. “So what? Don’t tell me that he,” he nods at Kiaran, “had any sexual experience in the woods? With whom, the jaguars?”
“Fucked by the jaguars,” Taj mutters. “Sounds like those sensationalist pamphlets the soldiers like to read.”
“What the fuck?” Finnen goes rigid. “Are you serious?”
“About the pamphlets? Sure. Soldiers will read and do anything that will give them a hard-on, and bestiality is a favorite. They—”
“Shut up,” Finnen barks.
“Oh, am I offending your sensibilities?”
“Guys!” I splash my hands in the water. “Just… stop!”
And they fall silent.
Now that they have stopped their banter, I don’t know what to say.
“Finn…” I whisper. “You can still get out of this bond. You can still go. We haven’t sealed this thing between us. You’re free to go, you…”
Finnen produces a small noise in the back of his throat, like a strangled groan, and grabs for me in the water. He hauls me onto his lap, and we’re splashing water all over the place but I don’t care, With a faint moan, I fall against him and when he kisses me, I kiss him back with all I have. His cock is a thick line of fire between our bodies.
“Don’t,” he whispers against my lips when I pull back for some much-needed air. “Don’t set me free. Taj is right, I don’t fucking know anything about this. It fucks with my mind.”
“What do you want?” I breathe.
“I don’t… I want you. I just… don’t know how to do this. How to… just be with people.” His pale lashes are wet and like dark lace against his cheekbones when he closes his eyes. “The only thing I’ve known for so fucking long is to fight and pray.”
