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Tristan seems to have run out of words.
“I trusted you,” Kyle goes on, voice empty, deflated. “Each and every thing you said to me. Even when I was still human. You told me the only ones you knew were your fake parents, but you knew so many more. Markadian. The existence of this place. The countless others who ‘work for Death’. You knew about all of it, so much more than you ever revealed.”
There is no excuse for my actions. I concealed many things. I just wanted to be innocent again. Oblivious again. A teenager without a care, who woke up and did his studies and sat with the cute boy during lunch. I meant no harm.
“The whole time, lies and lies, the whole time we were out in the woods, in the world, like nomads in love, you were lying. You were—” Kyle chokes, clenches his fists. “Where did we go wrong, Tristan?”
We didn’t, my love.
“Don’t call me ‘my love’. Even without the lies, we weren’t perfect. We had ups and downs, big ups, big downs. What did I do so wrong? Why did you feel like you could never trust me with the truth, the bigger truth? What did I do, before that day you left a letter on my pillow and my ring on a pile of fake ashes I wasted tears over, or before that year, even, or the year before that? Actually, better yet, allow me to rephrase it completely.” Kyle faces him. “When did you start to hate me?”
Oh, Kyle, my love.
“I said don’t call me that.”
How can I not? You will always be my love, no matter who your heart is devoted to. I don’t hate you. You did nothing at all, Kyle. I simply had to leave you.
“Why?”
Because they found me.
Kyle’s eyes drop to the floor. The tea Tristan tossed over his shoulder now crawls over the cold stone flooring, snaking its way slowly through the grout between the stones.
It was in the forest, actually. Quite scenic. I was picking flowers I had seen the night before. The sun was still up, but ah, that forest we found, it had such a thick canopy, it was safe to walk, even if you get a little burn now and then from a stray shadow playing a trick. I had a full bouquet … when through the brush I saw his face. Mark’s face. Tristan gazes down at his hands, as if imagining the flowers. All that hard work, the flowers just fell from my hands. I asked him how long he’d been following me. Long enough, he answered, and … well, I guess that’s when I realized I had to strike a deal with the Devil. If I went back with him, he’d agree not to touch you, to let you be, to let you have your life … to live. Tristan’s eyes reflect pain as he peers at Kyle. I needed to protect you, Kyle … even from me. I didn’t want Lord Mark’s hands on you. I did the only thing I could do. I severed myself completely from you. I sacrificed my own happiness, burned our little life down, hoping that in time, you’d rebuild and discover your own happiness without me.
Kyle felt firsthand what Lord Markadian is like. A man of his possessions. A man of his power. A man who doesn’t seem keen on sharing said possessions and power. A man who, only a moment ago, had his foot pressed upon Kyle’s chest, ready to drain him dry.
“I don’t think the tea was an illusion,” says Kyle.
Tristan glances behind him, notices the same thing. I don’t care, I just realized. Tristan rises at once. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It kills me, Kyle, what I’ve done to you. You don’t even know the worst.
“I know.”
You really don’t. I am so terrible, Kyle. I am manipulative. I am selfish, in so many ways, multiple ways selfish. I look at myself and … and I wonder how it was possible for you to love me at all. And do you know the worst part? I look at you now, and I’m so selfish, I just want to kiss you. I want our life in the forest back. I want us back.
Tears sting Kyle’s eyes. He can barely look at Tristan. His heart rages in his chest, light one second, heavy the next.
How can he turn off twenty-six years of love, just like that?
“I thought …” Kyle chokes. “I thought we were forever.”
I know, I know, my love.
“I thought we’d be together forever. You promised me … you promised and then broke that promise …”
It was to protect you. I made the choice to leave, thinking it was to protect you. Oh, any choice I made would have been the wrong one. I wonder if that might have been my first selfless act, to give you up and return here, and it was that selfless act that hurt you the worst. I’m the real monster, Kyle.
