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Kyle brings his bloodied, sensitive lips to Elias’s ear. “Bed,” he finishes for him in a whisper.
It is always so difficult to hold back when Kyle is connected to Elias, all the pleasure doubled, sensations doubled, each taste and touch and stroke and pump doubled. The closer Elias gets, the closer Kyle already is. His insides somersault with delight, every part of his body rendered weightless and giddy.
“Let’s … rethink … the curtains,” groans Elias. “I want … to build you … a great … big … front porch …” Their bodies rock with increasing tempo, with increasing passion. “Shade at all … mmph … at all times … of day …” Kyle licks up a spot of blood. Elias’s eyes rock back. “You … deserve … to feel like … you never have to … hide again …” It won’t be much longer. “… not even … from the sun.”
At the point of no return, Elias and Kyle lock eyes at once.
Elias peering up from the floor, lips parted, every inch of his face twisted with happy disbelief. Kyle gazing down, feeling every bit of joy that Elias feels at the brink, connected deeper with Kyle than he has any other partner in his life. Can Elias feel when Kyle is connected to him? Does he know somehow?
Then they finish, letting every bit of tension they endured together go, every moment of pain from the night and the long morning, every muscle in their bodies that carried sorrow.
Kyle collapses onto Elias, who embraces him in his strong arms and sweaty body, as they slowly catch their breaths.
After a while, they have found themselves on their backs on that same floor, staring up at the ceiling as if stargazing in the middle of the day. Now and then, a kiss. Now and then, a note about something else Elias wants to do to the house. Now and then, Kyle imagining what their life out here will be like, then sharing a few words of it, to a delighted Elias at his side.
But soon, the grim weight of reality returns to Kyle.
The events that have transpired.
Lives that were lost.
Kyle can push it all away as much as he wants, out here in Nowhere where nothing seems to happen. Pretend to not see the jagged scars that darken his soul. Live on, fuck Elias, laugh and moan and get sweaty.
Kyle needs to address the other feelings.
To honor them somehow.
“There’s something I need to do,” murmurs Kyle, pressed to Elias’s side, Elias holding him with a protective arm. “Later when the sun’s gone to bed. Something for him. Both of them.”
Elias puts a kiss on Kyle’s forehead. Somehow, he seems to understand. “I’ll be there every moment of it for you.”
Kyle is comforted deeply by Elias’s reassurance, even if he didn’t need it. He knows Elias is his new rock.
But first, he must visit the old one.
The moment the sun is down, Kyle and Elias set out of the house, head the wrong way out of the neighborhood, and stroll into the desert. It’s even cooler tonight than usual, the air dry and wispy, as if it too feels the weight in their hearts.
They arrive at the spot, their special rock that overlooks a great and impressive stretch of desert, made even more scenic by the recently set sun. Kyle crouches down by the rock and digs into the earth, barehanded. It feels right, to do it this way, without tools, using his hands to create this meaningful site. Once the small hole is made, Kyle produces the bag which keeps his brother Kaleb’s silver ring. He sets it in the hole with care. Next to it, he places a small red cap with footballs on its bill, the only item he has left of Brock’s, the cap that sent him turning around halfway to Phoenix and coming back.
Kyle kneels. For a moment, he doesn’t know what to say. “I love you both,” he murmurs rather simply. “You lost your lives too soon. You lost your lives because of me. I will have to carry that weight with me for the rest of my time here … however long I’m allowed to live. I hope that my happiness carries on to you, to both of you … somehow, in some way. If I could live on for you and allow you to share my joys with me … to feel any sense of peace and belonging here in Nowhere, then perhaps I can make use of the rest of my existence … in honoring you.” Kyle places his hands on the rock, bows his head, then remains there in silence for quite some time.
When he stands back from the rock, the sun is gone and it is dark. Upon the rock now exists a few more etchings.
