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“No, Archer. I wasn’t. While I was there, I had to have a scan to make sure they’d been no internal damage.”
“I remember,” he whispered.
“They found a tumor in my temporal lobe. A brain tumor.”
Archer leaped from the sofa, rushing toward me, scooping my hair up and running his fingers over my still raised scar, sending a shiver down my spine. “Why the fuck wouldn’t you tell me?” he asked through gritted teeth, anger vibrating in every word. “Why did you lie to me? You promised me you were okay. I was out of your room for like twenty minutes and in that time you were told you had a tumor in your fucking brain and you decided not to tell me.”
“I told you, I don’t know,” I muttered, taking his hand from my head and steering him back toward the sofa, but he paused in the middle of the room, twisting his fingers in mine.
“Apparently, I saw a specialist a couple of days later and they told me I needed urgent surgery but that there were significant risks.”
He lifted his free hand as if he was about to touch my face, but he obviously changed his mind, letting it fall to his side again. “Okay, so you left because you didn’t want me to worry. You didn’t want to be a burden. I can understand that… But it’s been months. When did you have the surgery?”
“Four and half months ago.”
Archer sucked in a breath. “And you’re fine? You’re alive. Did they not get all the tumor? Do you need more treatment… Chemo? Radiation? I don’t care, Nee. I want to take care of you.”
“No, they got it all, and it was benign, so I don’t need any more treatment, other than regular scans, to make sure it’s not growing back, but my prognosis is good.”
“So why?” He sounded almost desperate now, his voice strangled, his body coiled, as if he was waiting for the final penny to drop, so it all made sense. “Why would you walk away from me and do this on your own?”
“I don’t know,” I told him honestly.
His slate eyes darkened. “Nee, you can’t just tell me you don’t know. How can you not know?”
“I don’t remember,” I whispered, hating having to admit it.
Releasing my fingers, he moved backward, pulling on the back of his neck. “What do you mean? You don’t remember the operation?”
“There were lots of risks with the surgery. I mean, a doctor with a big knife was going to dig around in my brain. They told me that, along with the usual risk of stroke or death, there was a risk to my speech, because of where the tumor was, but the thing they were most worried about was my memory. They told me there was an eighty percent chance of damage to my memory.”
His face paled, sweat gathering along his hairline.
“What aren’t you telling me, Nee?”
Emotion lodged in my throat, making saying what I needed to say feel impossible. “I don’t remember,” I whispered. “I don’t remember anything before the surgery.” His face crumpled as my words took seed. “I don’t remember you, Archer.”
He moved quickly, just making it to the sink before he threw up, his chest heaving, gripping onto the counter as if it was the only thing holding him up and I could do was stand and watch.
Chapter 26
Archer
Timeisfunny.Whenyou’re happy and you want to milk the most from each moment, it seems to speed up, but when you want it to speed up, it slows to a painful snail's pace. Right now, time ceased to exist. The world had stopped turning. Nothing made sense. Blood thumped in my ears, reminding me I was still alive, but that couldn’t be true because my heart had just been obliterated.
I barely made it to the kitchen sink before I threw up, my body shaking uncontrollably.
“I—I…” My tongue felt strange in my mouth, my lips not my own as the room started to spin.
“Breathe, Archer. You need to breathe. Can you make it back to the sofa?” I stared at the distance, unable to take a step. “Okay, here, just sit on the floor.”
I let her guide me to sitting, welcoming the feel of the cool kitchen cabinets against my back. Closing my eyes, I forced my chest in and out, my lungs burning, screaming that they needed more oxygen.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I don’t understand why I wouldn’t.”
But I did. I knew exactly why, but I couldn’t find the words to explain.
Using every inch of strength I could find, I pushed myself up from the floor.
