Page 18 of Plaything of His

We put itallbehind us the second we tied the knot.

Here, I was free to be who I am, but there…

I could have ruined everything I’ve built for my daughter and I if anybody was to ever find out.

I don’t know how I’ve managed to live a life like that.

I don’t know how I’ve managed to restrain myself from seeking happiness.

“Can I ask why?”

He says in a quiet voice as I take a heavy breath in.

That’s the same thing I’ve been asking myself all these years.

Why?

His hand creeps closer as he places his fingers above mine.

“I’m sorry if I’m intruding. You don’t need to answer that.”

Shaking my head, I clear my throat as I answer his question.

“I have a daughter and I didn’t want to ruin things for her. Since she’s married now and grown enough to do as she pleases, I thought it’s only fair to be truthful to myself.”

No matter how far we’ve come as a society, I know there are a few individuals who wouldn't be pleased with the way I am. We stick to old traditions in our town, and I’ve always stuck by them. Many people look down at my daughter purely because she was raised without the presence of a mother, and I would be damned if I give them another reason to look down at her because of me.

I pretended to be someone I wasn’t for my daughter’s sake, but I can’t pretend any longer.

I deserve my own happy ending too.

For a few minutes, wesitside-by-side in silence. His fingers are heavy above mine, and as I turn to look at sweetness, I realise his thoughts are already someplace else.

“My little sister’s the only person in my life who knows I’m gay. I know it’s not the same as your situation, but outside of these walls, I’m forced to act like I’m not. My mother wouldn’t react well if she knew about my sexuality.”

My breath is shaky as it leaves me. I flip my hand and wrap my fingers around his, holding him tightly.

Tough times for us then, tough times for them now.

It’s pure bullshit, and I hate the fact that I know how he feels.

My parents had always assumed I was heterosexual, so I went along with it. After their passing, the only person I ever came out to was Brandon, and William was smart enough years before my formal coming out to him to have put two and two together.

And even to this day, only a couple of people are aware of my sexuality. Times have changed, but that uncertainty of how people will react remains, so I’ve always kept it to myself.

If I had a brother or sister to share the weight of my secret with back then…

“Are you both close? Your sister and yourself, I mean?”

Lifting his eyes, he keeps them locked with mine as he smiles.

“Yeah. Even though she’s a few years younger than me, we’re close. As sappy as it sounds, she’s basically my best friend. Your daughter–does she have any siblings? Do you have any more children?”

I shake my head.

His cheeks turn a soft shade of red as he mumbles under his breath, apologising again.

I breathe out a little laugh as I open my mouth to tell him there’s no need to apologise for asking me a few questions when my phone rings.

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