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“I’m very okay. That was... incredible.” Then my eyelids had fluttered, and he’d dragged me against him and tugged the sheets over us.
Next time?
His words keep eating at me. Perhaps they were just said in the moment.
Without a clock of any kind, I don’t know what time it is, but it has to be at least four or five hours since we lifted off. When I roll over, I find him staring at me.
“Hey.”
“Have you slept?” I ask.
“A little. No more than you,” Decker replies, and my lips stretch into a small smile. “We have another hour.”
“Oh,” I reply, surprised.
“So, are you a fan of sex?” he asks cheekily.
“It’s okay, I guess.” He pinches my bum, and I laugh, using any excuse to lay my hands on his hard chest.
“Thank you,” I say, circling my finger around a particular tattoo that always stands out. It’s an eagle, which tells me just how patriotic he is.
“No thanks needed. We’re going to do that again, and if you are not opposed to birth control, then I can come inside you,” Decker says.
Umm.
“You don’t want to get pregnant, Iz. Not yet. You need time to heal. I’m not saying—”
“Deck. This was...”Shit.“First, thank you for saving me.”
The warmth from his face fades.
“I’m grateful to all of you for getting me home. Truly.”
His body stiffens and I see when he realizes we had a miscommunication.
I thought he knew. I’m engaged; I can’t change that. I won’t. My father would disown me.
And we both know him putting my life at risk to save those other women, hangs heavily and unspoken between us.
Decker rolls onto his back. The cool of the air conditioning rushes over my skin. My heart pounding in a sort of panic as I feel him withdraw and pull away.
“Shit,” he says, running a hand over his forehead and hair as he sits up.
“Deck.” I sit upright and place my hand on his back.
“Shit. I’m a fucking idiot,” he says.
“No. That’s not what this was,” I cry.
He whirls around. “What? This wasn’t what, Izzy? Fuck, I’m sorry. You have been through enough. But Jesus, I thought... fuck. I’m an idiot.”
“Stop saying that.” I start crying.
He stands and pulls on his long black shorts. Then rubs the back of his head.
“I’m trying not to lose my head here. You need to feel safe. Fuck, youaresafe,” he says, meeting my eyes. “You hate me, don’t you?”
I shake my head and glance away.
