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THEO
Lying on my back in my bed, I rubbed at my eyes, gritty from the lack of sleep. Another night of sleeplessness. I’d spoken to Dr. Ross twice since I’d been back, and we’d arranged a weekly therapy session via video call. He kept reiterating to me that there was no instant fix, and while I knew that was true, I was so fucking tired. The jet lag hadn’t helped—I’d become used to being on a different time zone, and now I was wide awake when I should be sleeping.
But that wasn’t even the worst part. The second I’d arrived home from the airport and the door to my flat had closed behind me, the loneliness hit me. It was even worse at night. I’d grown used to sharing a room with another person, their soft breaths a comfort in the dead of night when I was struggling to sleep, and more recently, the comfort of a warm body next to mine.
Not just any person. The truth was I missed Jordan.
I was lonely. So lonely.
Picking up my phone, I began scrolling through my photos. I’d transferred them from the temporary phone I’d been given on the island, and when we were on the plane home, Jordan and I had also exchanged pictures we’d taken during our stay.
I smiled at one of Jordan’s selfies, a close-up of his grinning face as he pointed at a brightly coloured tropical bird perched in the tree next to our pool deck. The next image was one I’d taken—him on the beach with an armful of debris he’d collected, his brows raised and an expectant look on his face. I remembered him berating me for making him carry everything himself, and my smile widened.
I skipped past the three photos that made my heart pound in my chest. My bare back, taken from above, when Jordan was about to massage me. A picture I’d sneaked of Jordan, asleep on his stomach, his upper body exposed, and his face turned towards the camera. And finally, the picture he’d asked me to take. The picture that made me harder than any porn ever could. My cock entering him, that night at the cove.
I couldn’t look at them. They were too intimate. They reminded me of something I’d had that I’d never get back.
Stopping on the last two pictures in my camera roll, I flipped back and forth between them. Jordan had taken them on our last night when we’d been in the pool, and he’d asked for a selfie. In the first image, his arm was slung around my shoulders, and both of us were smiling. The second one was an accidental press of the shutter when I’d surprised him by turning to kiss his jaw, and he’d lost his balance and almost gone under. The expression of shock and laughter on his face while I pressed my lips to his skin with a smile made something inside me twist painfully.
I took a deep breath, quickly scrolling back past them, and paused on one of the photos I’d taken of the bioluminescent plankton. The camera had captured the blue glow of the waves against the midnight sky and the blackness of the sea, and it brought memories rushing back. Without stopping to think it through, I opened my social media app and posted the image, captioning it, “Once in a lifetime.”
A notification came through almost instantly.
@jordanemery_official liked your photo.
I scrolled to my messages.
@theolewin_official:
Can’t sleep either?
@jordanemery_official:
No. Fucking jetlag. I saw the photo
@theolewin_official:
I know, I got the notification that you liked it
@jordanemery_official:
I wanted to comment but thought it prob wasn’t a good idea
@theolewin_official:
Probably not
@jordanemery_official:
That was the best night of my life
I groaned aloud. Neither of us needed a reminder of what had happened between us. I shouldn’t have even posted the picture in the first place.
Something else I shouldn’t be doing was navigating to Jordan’s profile, and I’d avoided it up until now, not wanting to torture myself any further. But by the time the sensible part of my brain caught up, my fingers had already made the decision for me.
He’d only posted one picture since he’d arrived back in England. It was a selfie, taken in his mirror—or what I assumed was his mirror, given that he had a large number of other selfies in front of it. He had his tongue out, pulling a cheeky face for the camera, his bare torso on display for the world to see.
My cock responded instantly. I could vividly recall the feel of him beneath my hands, the taste of him on my tongue, tracing over those defined muscles that were now taunting me through the screen.
