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“Tell me a happy memory now.” Knox’s voice was a low, lazy drawl. He eyed me from beneath his lowered lashes as he reached out and threaded his fingers through my hair.
“The first time I went on a plane. My uncle got a bonus at work, and he took us all on holiday to Tenerife. I was thirteen at the time. I remember being shocked at how fast the plane suddenly started to move, and then it lifted into the air, and I just remember staring out of the window, amazed at how small the trees and fields were getting. I had my first holiday romance there too.”
“Holiday romance?” He raised a brow. “First kiss?”
I shook my head. “No, that was when I was eleven. My aunt and uncle’s friends had a son who was a year older than me, and I had a bit of a crush on him. He looked a bit like Timothée Chalamet. I told him that I’d give him my bar of Dairy Milk in return for a kiss.”
Knox’s lips curved into an amused grin. “Bribery. I approve of it.”
“Yeah, you would. You’re the one who asked for sexual favours in return for you keeping quiet about me snooping in your room.”
His smile disappeared. “You know I wouldn’t have actually forced you to do anything, right? Fuck, Elena. If there had been the slightest hint you weren’t into—”
I reached out and covered his mouth. “Shush. I know. It was an excuse for both of us because we both wanted to fuck. Let’s not deny it.”
He smiled beneath my palm, and when I took my hand away from his mouth, he said, “What gave you that idea?”
“Hmm.” I pretended to think about it. “Maybe it was the way your giant dick was trying to hammer its way out of your jeans.”
“That’s…very descriptive.”
Returning his smile, I brushed my hand teasingly over his stomach, my hand dipping lower, but I stopped before I reached his cock. I didn’t have another round of sex in me just yet, so I made the decision to move my hand away, ignoring his growl of protest.
“When was your first kiss?”
“I was eight. I can’t even remember her name.” He smirked at my eye roll. “Yeah, there have been that many girls.”
“Of course. I’d expect nothing less from you. Give me a happy memory now—one that doesn’t involve other girls, please.”
“Why, are you jealous?”
“No.”Yes.
“My little liar.” Fuck, the way he called me that, it sounded almost fond. And the “my” part…I definitely wasn’t complaining about that. He angled his head to brush a kiss across my lips. “Okay. This memory does involve another girl, but I think you’ll be okay with it. It was the day JoJo was born. She came home from the hospital, and my mum showed me how to hold her. She handed her over to me, and I was so fucking scared. I mean, I’d never held a baby before, you know? But as soon as I was holding JoJo, she looked up at me, and she gripped my finger with a really tight grip, all her tiny fingers around mine, and I dunno, I was just really happy to have a baby sister. Before that, I didn’t really care. I hadn’t thought about what it would be like. It was, like, abstract or something.”
I was melting. I was so fucking gone for this man it was ridiculous. “Knox. That’s so—”
“Don’t you fucking dare say it’s sweet.”
“As if I would.” Widening my eyes, I gave him my most innocent look while he glared at me. After a minute or two of our silent staring contest, he cracked, the corners of his lips kicking up.
“Fuck.” He scrubbed his hand across his face. His voice was tortured. “Why do you have to do this to me?”
“Do what?” I was genuinely baffled—one second, he’d been smiling, and now…whatever this was.
Pulling me into him, he spoke into my hair. “Making me fucking like you. I can’t do this, Elena, not with you.”
A lump came into my throat, a ball of hurt and disappointment, but I knew he was right. “You do the same to me.” My voice lowered to a whisper, my lips ghosting across his collarbone. “I like you. A lot. Way too much. It’s…I tried to stop it, but I can’t.”
“Fuck, baby. This is so fucked up. I know you’ve been lying to me. I know you’re still lying and hiding shit from me. There are so many fucking red flags that I can’t even see any other colour, but I can’t stay away from you.”
“Knox.” Tears filled my eyes, and the lump in my throat grew bigger. I swallowed hard, the truth spilling from my lips unchecked. “I wish I could tell you the truth. I wish you’d never met me, that you could live your life in peace without me in it. I wish that my mum and I had never come here, I really do.”
“No.” His voice cut through the room. “Fucking no. I’m happy you’re here, okay? Fuck, I cannot believe the words that are coming out of my mouth right now, but the worst fucking times with you have still been better than the best fucking times with any other girl.” Lifting his head, he stared down at me, his eyes flashing fire. “Any. Other. Girl.”
My mouth dropped open, my mind reeling from his words. “Knox.” That was all I managed to say before he lunged at me, kissing me until I lost both my breath and my mind.
When he released me, I dropped my head to his shoulder, speaking into his neck. “I was in your room that night because I was looking for something incriminating. Anything that could get you into trouble. Illegal drugs, papers, whatever. I’m sorry, so sorry. I promise you that I’m done with that. I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” Before he could say anything in reply, I continued my confession. I had to get it out. “I was meeting with that man because I needed money, and I knew I could sell things to him. It was wrong, I know. I sold him…it was one of the bags your mum bought for me. Believe me, I feel so fucking guilty for doing it, but I needed the money more. For the future. We had no savings, nothing. Now I have my job, and every penny is going into a savings account for the future.”
