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CHAPTER18
Lark
The court of punishment,the court of pleasure, the court of pain… It was many things. But never a home.
Razak had me dance for his council, and if I didn’t, I’d gain another scar, just shallow enough to hide in candlelight.
They had me dance and then ignored me when I did. Which was its own kind of torture.
I’d been here before, in this invisible birdcage.
It had been easier to dance before, when I hadn’t known another way to live. A way not filled with agony in every step. Strange, how I’d been so blind to my own joy in Arin’s court, until it had been taken from me.
Arin, who had told me he’d keep me safe… and then tried to cut my throat.
My ankle buckled. I tripped and fell on the small stage, lungs heaving. My whole bodyburned. Fitting, I supposed. I’d burned Arin’s world.
The talking and laughter that had filled the council chamber all night descended into silence.
How long had it been? I’d danced for hours. It had to be enough.
I saw the toes of Razak’s boots first, then the rest of him when I lifted my head.
“Get up,” he snarled.
The others were shadows at the table behind him, their faces a blur. Only Razak’s face was sharp. His sneering slipped into a daggerlike smile. Nobody saw how our smiles were alike, or how we both shared the same sultry dark eyes. A boy who begged for coin, the slave on the end of Razak’s leash could not be a prince.
And I wasn’t.
Razak had made sure of that.
“Stand!”
I propped a quivering arm under me and levered myself onto my knees, but my legs were shot, every muscle spent dancing for him. The room spun and my heart throbbed as though it might burst through my ribs. Bile burned the back of my throat. I couldn’t do this. It wasn’t like before. My heart wasn’t in it. I didn’t want to be here, in this life, this world.
Razak’s hand clamped my chin but as he peered into my eyes, his grip softened. “Your performance cannot end on failure.” He let go and stepped back, expecting me to rise. The others would be watching too, waiting for the climactic ending.
He was right.
I had to finish. The dance had to end for my audience.
But not the council, I couldn’t dance for them, or Razak. They could not take another piece of me. No, I danced for one other.
I blinked, sliding my focus away, and where Razak stood I imagined Arin there in his gold and white, trying to be hard and cold and indifferent, trying to be my enemy. Almost succeeding, until he failed so spectacularly with my hand around his cock and a gasp on his lips.
For Arin, I found my feet. The nearby gramophone continued to play, beckoning me to join it once more, and so I did. I forced my body to move and sway and dip and spin, emptying my heart and mind of everything except Arin.
I wished I had danced for him, just for him. No court, just he and I, on his secret beach.
He would have liked it.
The music ended, the vinyl clicked and cracked, and I flung myself into a bow.
Arin came forward and when he tipped up my chin, tears slipped down my cheeks. “You never fail to surprise me,” he said, stroking my tears away. But the voice wasn’t Arin’s, and in a blink, Razak took his place.
A sob tried to choke me. I clenched my jaw, holding it back.
Razak bit into his bottom lip, then raised his voice. “Council is ended. We are done!”
