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I take a deep breath, letting it out as I rest my head over Axel’s heart. The strong, steady beat tethers me to him, and I know Axel will be my anchor in the storm of emotions.
“My parents weren’t planning on having another kid. They were happy with the three boys they already had. My mom thought she couldn’t get pregnant anymore, but then,surprise,” I say sarcastically. “There’s fifteen years between me and the next sibling, so it often felt like I had five parents. Well, five angry, violent, often strung-out parents.”
“That sounds rough,” Axel whispers.
I shrug. “I’ve never known anything else. We moved around a lot, some places better than others.”
Axel hums and I get the feeling he knows exactly what I mean. The “nice” places were grimy and smelled stale, while the not-so-nice places had infestations and smelled of feces.
“When my family set up shop here, we ended up staying. Like I told Blade earlier, we didn’t get run out of town by the cops or even questioned by them in all five years we’ve been here. Now I know why.”
I grow quiet, both of us resting in silence as we absorb everything I told him.
Axel nudges the top of my head with his nose, which makes me smile despite the sad memories.“Tell me about your podcast,” he says with a big smile.
He looks so excited and sincerely interested, and I don’t know what to do with it.
I surprise both of us by bursting into tears.
Axel’s eyes widen with panic, but I wave him off and put my hand over his heart.
“Sorry, I don’t know what came over me,” I say once I’ve had a chance to calm down and take a few breaths. “I just… no one has ever asked me about it before. My parents didn’t understand what a podcast was, and my brothers made fun of me all the time, saying it was stupid and a waste of time.”
I look away from him, the vulnerability of this moment almost too much to bear. Axel cups my cheek, turning my head so we’re facing each other. His blue eyes shine with something close to love. Or maybe I’m just projecting.
“I’m so sorry no one ever encouraged you or supported your dreams. I’m so fucking sorry you know what it’s like to live with junkies. I…”
This time, it’s Axel who breaks eye contact. I’m not letting him get away with that, though. I prop myself up on his chest, place my hand on his cheek, and turn him back toward me. He closes his eyes and leans into my touch.
“Do you trust me?” I ask softly. He’s asked me that several times over the last few days, and now I want to know if he feels the same.
“Always,” comes his automatic response.
“Then tell me your story. I want to support you, too.”
Axel leans forward, capturing my lips in the most tender, reverent kiss. “You’re too good to me, princess,” he whispers as he guides me to rest my head on his shoulder while he wraps his arms around me and keeps me pressed close to his naked body. “My mom was an addict as well. Never knew my dad, but part of me doesn’t hold it against him for ditching us. She never let me forget what a nuisance I was or that she could have gotten an abortion but didn’t.”
“What?” I gasp, lifting my head slightly.
Axel tilts his head down so our eyes meet. He shrugs. “She tried to sell me once for a fix. Ended up getting enough heroin to put her in a coma for three days. By the time she woke up, the dealer’s girlfriend she pawned me off on had had enough of playing house. I was returned to my mother, who wasn’t happy to see me. The only thing that calmed her down was that she didn’t have to pay for the drugs retroactively.”
I don’t realize I’m crying until Axel stops talking and asks if I’m okay.
“Yeah,” I say with a sniffle. “I’m just… I’m so glad you survived.”
His eyes soften as he tucks a few strands of hair behind my ear. “Me, too, sweetheart. I didn’t know it at the time, but I survived so I could meet you.”
His words are everything to me. This incredible man is somehow gruff and tender, silly and sweet, and perfect in every way.
“Same,” I whisper, leaning in to rest my forehead on his. It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him I love him, but I don’t want to ruin what we already have by taking it too far or asking too much of our relationship so early on.
After a few moments, I break away to stifle a yawn.
Axel chuckles and kisses my temple. “I’ll be right back,” he says, kissing me again.
Before I can ask where he’s going, Axel is already returning from the ensuite bathroom. He’s holding a damp washcloth and surprises me by gently wiping between my legs, cleaning up the remnants of our first time together.
“Thank you,” I murmur when he finishes and pulls the blankets over me.
