I groaned and touched my side. When I pulled my hand away it was bloody, and a sharp pain radiated through my side.
I pushed myself up out of the mud and stumbled over to Addison.
She wasn’t breathing.
I frantically checked her pulse and craned my ear, listening for any sign of life.
“No, no, no.” I started CPR immediately, pumping her chest and doing my best to tilt her head up in the mud, so I could breathe life back into her mouth. Her body felt cold to the touch, her wet hair clung to her face and neck in muddy strands.
Pumping, breathing. Pumping, breathing.
I could hear Mike on the phone nearby with emergency services.
“Addy, wake up.” I begged her, as I pumped her heart.
I screamed at her as she jostled under each chest pump, her tiny body refusing to respond.
Trembling, I ran a hand over her belly, as the fear of losing my whole future permeated every sell in my body.
“No, no, no. Don’t do this to me, Addy.” I continued to pump and breathe.
I would break every rib in her fucking chest if that’s what it took to restart her heart. I found myself pumping her chest, harder and harder, desperate for a sign of life. She jolted time and time again, her tiny body remaining unresponsive.
“FUCK!” I screamed. “I’m not letting you die on me.” I collapsed down onto her chest, her vanilla smell mixed with the smell of dirt and mud.
I found myself trembling as I whispered to her, pleading quietly to her, “Addy. Baby. Please. Don’t leave me. Not like this.”
I continued pumping and breathing, pumping and breathing, as I became more and more desensitized. Her body jolted under every chest pump. Her lips felt cold against mine, with every breath I forced into her body.
I sank into a mindless rhythm.
I don’t know how long I went until I found myself being pulled off her.
“Get me the fuck off me.” I roared as I scrambled back to continue CPR.
“Give them room, Damian.” Mike ripped me back.
The paramedics quickly assessed her, one checking for vitals, while another continued CPR. They loaded her onto a board and cut her shirt open, placing electrodes on her chest. I felt myself spiraling out as I looked at her soft skin, exposed to the cold and to everyone's eyes.
“Charging.”
I sat on the embankment, tears running down my face as I watched.
“Clear.”
She jolted violently on the board.
“No response. Increase to two hundred.”
“Charging.”
I felt like I was going to be sick. She lay there lifeless; the color drained out of her face, mud coating her hair and body as the paramedics jostled around her. She already looked like a corpse.
“Clear.”
She jolted on the board once more.
“We’ve got a pulse.”