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A pause.
“What does that mean?” she asked, tipping her head.
I sighed again.
“I guess it means seeing how the land lies before making a decision,” I replied, beating the eggs, the rhythmic tinkle of the fork in the bowl strangely soothing. “I’ve had a lot of bad experiences baby, and I want to see what a woman’s like before I commit, really put myself on the line.”
Laurie blushed a little at the word “commit,” and I could understand why. We were entering into serious territory here with conversation about the future, about what we might be for the long-term. Of course we’d bantered in the past, joking, always playful, but this was the first time we were talking as two adults about our future, without my dick in her body in some way, shape or form. So I buckled down, really focusing.
And the brunette was no one’s fool, tilting her head to the side and looking at me speculatively
“But don’t you think you should have been honest with me from the get-go?” she asked. “I mean, it’s not exactly great if a relationship starts off based on a load of lies.”
I sighed deeply. I could see what the girl was getting at, and she had a point. But I had a point too, and I wanted to find some way to compromise, find middle ground to settle on.
“Baby of course,” I said slowly. “But I try not to see it as lies, it’s more omission.”
“You mean lying by omission?” Laurie interjected quickly. Damn, this girl was sharp, exactly my type.
“Sort of,” I conceded. “I didn’t want to tell you who I was and what I do for a living because I wanted to get to know you first. Is that so wrong?”
The brunette paused for a moment.
“But how could we get to know each other authentically if I didn’t have even basic facts about you?” asked Laurie, head cocked. “It’d be so fake, so misleading.”
Shit, this girl deserved a Ph.D in psychology, she was psyching me out mentally on all fronts, winning the game before it even started.
But I made another go of it.
“Laurie, honey,” I said gently, “Please try to see it from my perspective. I’ve been hunted by women on all sides for twenty years now, and I’ve put up barriers. Just like you’ve put up barriers too,” I said, wandering into taboo territory.
The girl paused again.
“You mean, how I moved in with you in a week? Or how I slept with you within five minutes, when we didn’t even know each other’s names? Those barriers?” she said wryly.
And I laughed because the brunette was right, but my point was that she had walls too, she didn’t put herself all out there from the get-go either.
“Baby,” I began again, “the barriers you have are different from mine. Because of your divorce,” I said slowly, “you’re really sensitive to betrayal and guys misrepresenting themselves. So this … situation,” I stumbled a little, not sure what to call it, “hits you in an especially sore spot. I’m me, I’m Tucker, there’s just more to me than you realized.”
And surprisingly, the brunette didn’t fly off the handle.
“I know,” she said nodding. “I know I’m sensitive because my ex did a number on me, it was like I’d married a stranger. So yeah, I didn’t want to make the same mistake again, and when it turned out you were different from what you portrayed, I was angry,” she said with a deep exhale.
“Angry?” I asked, eyebrows raised, my hand stilling for a moment on the frying pan. “More like a murderous rage.”
“Okay,reallyangry,” she corrected ruefully. “I lost my shit, I admit it. And Tucker,” she said quietly, “I’m sorry I made such a scene, I’m sorry I showed up at NYC Concierge and embarrassed you in front of your staff.”
I thought about torturing the brunette a bit, making her writhe, but the girl looked so genuine and remorseful, that I took pity. Besides, I loved Laurie and only wanted her to be happy, to see those lips smile once again, to see her eyes sparkle.
“Honey, there was nothing better than you coming to the office today, filled with fire, life, so beautiful, spitting epithets with that sweet mouth. All I wanted to do was let everyone know that you were mine,” I said seriously, putting the pan down. Who gave a fuck about omelets? I just wanted this woman to know how much I loved her, how much I adored everything about her.
Laurie looked up again, her eyes meeting mine, hopeful, soft.
“Really?” she asked quietly. “I didn’t humiliate you, didn’t make you hate me?”
I stroked her cheek then, that softness velvety under the rough tips of my fingers.
“Baby, the opposite,” I murmured against her mouth. “I was thinking of making it permanent.”
