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“They’d want you to be happy, Kaia Precious, want you to live and make all new happy memories. Eventually, you’ll stop feeling guilty about doing just that. Talk to your father and Liam. Tell them about your life. Bring them along on your happy times. Allow the memory of them to comfort you during the tough times.” He brought his lips to my forehead again, holding me tight but speaking softly. “It will get easier. You’ll get through this. You’ve already shown incredible strength and resilience through this whole situation. And we’ll be here to support you. However, you need.”
Days ago, I hadn’t wanted any of them to see my vulnerability. But something had changed. Somehow, these men had become more than Elijah’s best friends. More than my saviors. They’d become my confidants. My friends. And the only people I could rely on anymore. They’d become my whole world.
“Thank you, E.Z..” I gave him a small smile, grateful he was there with me.
“Think you could sleep?” E.Z. whispered. When I curled tighter into him, not wanting to leave the comfort he was providing, he tightened his hold on me. “I won't force you, Kaia Star-bright. I will sit here and hold you if that’s what you need. But I think you’d benefit from some rest. We have several hours before we need to move.”
E.Z. reached over, pulling back the covers. Clean, crisp, white sheets never looked so unwelcoming.
“Do you want to try?”
Did I want to? No. I wanted to stay wrapped in E.Z.’s arms. I wanted to stay wrapped in his warmth and sympathy. I wanted to feel the vibration of his voice and the caress of his hands.
But I also didn’t want to make E.Z. sit here and hold me all night if he didn’t want to.
I begrudgingly climbed off his lap. I didn’t need him to hold me. I just wanted him to. And I did need a clear head for the meeting. Rest would help.
“Be right back,” I mumbled and crossed the room to a door I hoped was a bathroom.
Closing the door behind me, I leaned against it, shut my eyes, and breathed in and out. Collecting myself, I splashed water on my face from the basin provided and dried it with a threadbare towel, washing away my tears and cooling the heat in my face. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and entered the bedroom.
I hung my outerwear on the hook beside the door, leaving my boots underneath. Taking E.Z.’s outstretched hand, I let him help me into cold, empty sheets. He bent, pulling them up to my chin, tucking me into the hard bed. A bed he would not be getting into.
What would E.Z. do, stand the entire time I took a nap? That would make it impossible to sleep. He wasn’t leaving the room.
E.Z.’s eyes searched my face as he straightened. “Kaia Doe Eyes, I can’t stand when you're sad. I hate seeing it.”
E.Z. was hurting, too. His powerful shoulders were sloping forward. His eyes lacked the brightness that was usually present. Typically, the ocean danced within the depths of his eyes, the sun sparkling against the bluest sea. But that night, the sun wasn’t shining quite so brightly. The waves were darker and much more turbulent. It broke my heart more than it already had been.
I wanted E.Z. to look at me with the warmth that usually shone through. I wanted to pull back the covers and make him join me. I wanted us to hold each other, comfort each other.
“Tell me what I can do. Please, Kaia Sweetheart,” E.Z. begged, sitting on the edge of the bed. Finding my hand beneath the covers, he placed his on top. “We’re here for you. Please trust us to help you through this.”
I sent him a watery smile— the best I could manage around the lump in my throat. I wanted to scream about how much they all meant to me. How muchhemeant to me. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else by my side for this moment.
“I’m here for you. Whatever you need. I’ll listen. Sometimes, talking about it helps. I’ll be here as your friend. Or as your fake Keeper. Or your not-so-fake Keeper.” He smiled down at me. “Whatever you need.”
“I know, E.Z..” My voice came out hoarse, but I pushed through it. “You guys have saved my life in more ways than one. I’ll never be able to repay any of you for any of this. But I am eternally grateful. I don’t think I’ve said thank you enough.” I hesitated, biting my lip, and looking away.
“What’s going on in that tiny Kaia head?” E.Z.’s tone was teasing, but his eyes were serious as they ran over my face.
“Will you lay with me?” I asked in a smaller voice than I intended. He had asked me to tell him what he could do. This was me telling him.
My chest was in a vice grip, waiting for his reply. I had asked a man to share a bed with me. Never had I been so forward in my life. I had not shared a bed with anyone since I was a little girl. But I was done denying myself things. I was done living by rules that had no bearing on my life.
Why couldn’t I lay in bed with a man if I wanted? Why couldn’t we comfort each other? I wanted E.Z.’s infectious, bubbly personality to infect me. I needed to get out of this dark place. I wanted to live, to find some semblance of happiness in this messed-up situation.
“I’m too cold to sleep without you,” I added flippantly with a fake whine— jokingly, in case E.Z. said no. All the while, my heart was beating over time.
I was chilled without him holding me, even with the heavy fur blanket tucked to my chin. I had been cold for a long time. But not when E.Z. was holding me. Not when any of my guys had held me. That was something I’d decided to stop questioning and appreciate for what it was. A comfort. A gift.
E.Z.’s grin wasn’t present. I expected a smirk after an offer like that. Indecision was warring on his features, and that worried me. Teasing and flirting were one thing. Sharing a bed added a layer of intimacy. I was more than ready for that, but maybe E.Z. wasn’t. Flirting came naturally to him. Maybe he was just having fun while I felt so much more. Maybe he didn’t feel like he was coming alive in my arms. Maybe his breath didn’t stutter at an innocent touch or laugh. Or at the brush of my lips against his skin. Like mine did.
“It’s perfectly fine to say no.” I forced a smile and calm tone, but I was slightly nauseous with anxiety. “I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“You want me to?” E.Z. asked, his eyes piercing as they looked between mine.
I nodded.
