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But the worst part is, he’s not wrong. No matter what they say about how being a Marionette offers you protection, if they saw me as an obstacle, a complication, I have no doubt they’d happily dispose of me.
“I would never ask you to do that.”
“You’re not asking. I’m offering. And if anyone’s gonna know how to play the part, it’s me, right?”
I give him what I’m sure is an unconvincing smile. I have no doubt he’d do a damn good job of selling it. And that’s exactly the problem. This breakup still feels fresh to me, and that’s with me having already moved on. For him…
“I just mean…Connor, I just…I don’t want you to—”
“I know what you’re trying to say. And I’m not doing this because I think I’m gonna win you back by the end of it. I know this is over for you no matter what. For us. But that doesn’t mean I stopped caring about you. There’s been a lot that’s happened to you in the last year that I haven’t been able to do anything about. I haven’t been able to help you. Hell, our whole lives I haven’t been able to help you.”
“That’s not true,” I say quietly, meaning it. “You’ve helped me more than anyone, Connor.”
Maybe he didn’t have the power or the influence or the physical strength when he was human. But that never stopped him. Not from comforting me, not from standing up to my mother even when he knew she could have destroyed him. It never stopped him from listening to my problems even when his were so much worse. From showing me compassion and empathy even when I didn’t deserve it.
Reid talks about me turning out a decent person despite my circumstances as if it’s my own personal accomplishment. But I think a lot of my kindness and goodness came from knowing Connor.
He gives me a sad smile like he doesn’t believe me. “Let me help you now, Valerie.”
There are so many things about him that are the same as they’ve always been—his eyes, the unruly curls in his hair, the warmth in his voice.
But the differences are impossible to miss. He stands taller now, like he’s no longer afraid to be seen. I never realized how much he used to collapse in on himself to draw the least amount of attention possible. There’s also less tension in his shoulders, less stress, less worry.
“I wouldn’t even know how to…” I trail off and vaguely wave a hand between us.
He cracks a half smile. “Is that a yes? Valerie Darkmore, are you agreeing to be my fake girlfriend?”
I snort out a laugh, though I can’t help but get transported to the moment he first asked me to be his girlfriend. He’d been so nervous that time, barely able to hold eye contact with me. Nothing like the calm, confident man standing in front of me now.
When I hesitate, he crosses the rest of the distance between us and takes my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him.
“I already spent months trying to grieve you, and that was when there was a chance you were alive. If there’s any chance this will keep you safe—please don’t make me go through that again, Valerie.” My eyes fill with tears at the crack in his voice. “I know you and I are never getting back together. I know that. But I want you as my friend again. Ineedyou as my friend again.”
“I’ve really missed you,” I whisper.
He pulls me into his chest, and I hug him back just as tightly. “I’ve missed you too.”
* * *
Pullingon my Marionettes uniform feels more like stepping into a costume. The soft black material hangs looser than it used to, and I tuck the tank top into the pants to make it less noticeable.
“Did they say what the meeting’s about?” Adrienne asks behind me.
I meet her eyes in the mirror. She’s sitting on the edge of the bed, hands twisting nervously in her lap.
“They never do.” I’m just glad they’re not locking me out of this one.
I talked with Connor longer than I realized. There’s not enough time to do anything with my hair, so I gather it into a ponytail.
“Do you think…do you think they’re looking for Mom?”
I pause with the rubber band stretched between my fingers. I have no idea. The queen obviously wants to know where she is, but will she sacrifice the resources needed to look for her in the middle of this mess? I doubt Auclair would evenallowher to do so if this blood shortage is as serious as it seems when he’s already stretched thin because of Westcott.
But if my mother left willingly, although considered highly shameful, abandoning your duties in the Marionettes is not unheard of. Enough to prevent you from ever working for the vampire industries again, but not illegal. So what grounds would they have, really?
All I can do is shake my head in response—as aNoorI don’t know, I’m not sure.
My eyes flick to the clock on the nightstand. “You should get going if you’re going to make the train back to the academy.”
