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* * *
“Doyou think she’s ever coming back?” Penny’s miserable voice cracked, and I clamped my jaw tight to keep it together as I tucked her into bed.
I was tired. So fucking tired of living without Lark.
“I hope so, baby. She’s going to try to call tomorrow.”
“Why did she have to leave us? Did you make her mad? Mom says that you made her mad, and that’s why she doesn’t stay with us.”
Fucking Bethany.Irritation rolled through me, but I wasn’t about to shit-talk Penny’s mother when she was already struggling.
“I didn’t make Lark mad. Neither of us did anything to make her leave. It’s her job, just like sometimes I have to go away for games.” I smoothed her hair as her lip wobbled. She sucked it in and nodded.
My brave little girl.
“I just want her home.”
I swallowed hard. This wasn’t right. Pickle felt it and so did I. “I do too, baby girl.”
I hated seeing Penny as miserable as I felt. I wanted to ram my fist through a wall—make it right for her. For both of us.
I’d picked up my phone to call Lark a thousand times and tell her:This is a mistake. You didn’t need to leave. This is real and I love you and we’ll make this work.
I stopped myself every time. I couldn’t be the selfish prick I wanted to be when it came to Lark achieving her dreams. I loved her too damn much. So instead, I let the lies roll off my tongue:We’re managing here. We’re so happy for you. Everything is good.
Heartsick, Penny and I shared the silence while I rubbed her back and shoved down the riot of emotions that were practically killing me. I knew that night, like every other since Lark left, that the low, angry voice would whisper in the dark and remind me I was meant to be alone. Lark was never mine to keep.
“Okay, kiddo, get some rest.” I kissed her cheek and tucked her blankets in tight around her, just the way she liked them. “Love you, burrito baby.” Halfway across the room I stopped and turned. I infused my voice with false brightness. “One more?”
Only her face didn’t brighten. She only shrugged. “No, I’m okay.”
My heart broke a little more when I crossed the room anyway.
* * *
The following week,Bethany arranged to take Penny shopping and find a dress for the Little Miss Blueberry Pageant. I was relieved because it was the first real smile I’d gotten out of Pickle in days, and I knew jack shit about small-town pageant dresses—it was squarely in Beth’s wheelhouse.
I’d given her a wad of cash and explicit instructions on when I expected Penny to be home. She rolled her eyes and ignored me, of course, and was an hour late, but at least I had gotten a text letting me know they were running late. I’d consider that a small win.
Penny raced from Bethany’s car, dragging two new dresses on the ground. “Careful. You don’t want to mess those up.”
Pickle grinned at her mom and ran right past me. “Hey, Dad!”
I’d wanted a hug, but at least she wasn’t moping—or worse, making me feel like the scum of the earth for convincing Lark it was a good idea for her to leave. Not that I needed any help there.
I turned back to Bethany. “Thanks for the heads-up that you were running late.”
She smiled primly and batted her lashes. “Didn’t want to anger the warden.”
“Whatever, I’m not that bad.”Was I?
“Sure you are.”
Bethany always had a way of raising my hackles, getting under my skin, and making me feel like shit. I had turned to leave when she stopped me.
“I’m pregnant.”
My muscles stiffened, and a pit opened in my stomach. When Bethany had spoken those same words nearly eight years ago, my entire world had been tipped on its axis. This time, instead of having a meltdown and thinking about all the ways life as I’d known it was over, I’d only thought of Pickle.
