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“Okay.” Beckett turned and disappeared into the barn, and I couldn’t help but laugh. Buried beneath his grumpy exterior was a heart of gold, and I was so happy he and Kate had found each other.
It’ll be worth the heartache in the end.
God, how I hoped there was a shred of truth in those words.
* * *
Another miserable weekpassed as I hid in the barn apartment and contemplated what to do with my life. After dodging Lee’s initial calls in an effort to give him space and to clear my own head, they stopped, and that cut deeper than I had expected.
I was surrounded by boxes of unsold pottery—another shining example of how I had epically failed at life. The only comfort I had was that the construction noise below me drowned out my own thoughts as Beckett and his crew got to work on cleaning up the barn. The sawing and hammering noises became the perfect distraction as I set up an online storefront, hoping to sell a few pieces while I figured out what to do next. Maybe Huck could hire me at the Sugar Bowl for a while. At this point I’d happily take payment in the form of carbs.
My hand hovered over my phone, but I stopped myself from picking it up and texting some snarky comment to Lee. It was something that had happened a thousand times since I’d last seen him, and each time I’d stopped myself. It was clear to me that Lee was deeply hurt when he discovered it was me who had written the letters, and he wasveryclear that he wanted to be alone and needed time to process.
I didn’t blame him.
I deserved the cold shoulder and his silent treatment. I deserved the pain that made breathing feel like a chore.
I gritted my teeth to keep from crying.
Again.
Do I beg for forgiveness? Scream at him for all the times he stopped me from telling him? Wait it out and hope he forgives me one day? Move away and give him the space he needs?
Every option seemed worse than the last, and I could feel my thoughts spiraling. I needed to get out—go for a walk orsomethingto stop obsessing over how epically I had fucked up my relationship with the greatest man I’d ever known.
I turned to open a kitchen cabinet and grab my water bottle. Staring at me was a tiny resin duck. One of what felt like a thousand I’d found tucked away in the apartment. Constant, googly-eyed reminders of Lee. I swiped the green duck and dropped it into the small ceramic bowl I’d used to collect them all. Its vacant eyes stared back at me as a hollowness opened in my chest.
Even if I had ruined any chance of things working out with Lee, he deserved to know how I felt. That I loved him too. I needed to make him see himself the way I hadalwaysseen him. He was so much more than a playboy or the comic relief.
Lee waseverything.
Determined to seek him out, I left the water bottle and barreled out of the apartment, bounding down the wooden stairs two at a time. As I hurried across the lawn toward my car, my feet came up short.
Lee was standing with his arms crossed and a deep furrow in his brow, talking with Beckett and gesturing toward the barn. Beckett pointed at something on a set of large architectural plans.
I stared, unable to move. Unable tobreathe. It had been only a week, but it felt like I hadn’t seen him in months.
He sensed me, and his back stiffened as he looked my way. I wanted to look down, look away and not let him see the shame and regret in my eyes, but I was locked in his stare.
A muscle in his jaw flexed, and I thought I saw the tiniest smirk lift at the corner of his mouth. He said something to Beckett and started walking toward me.
My feet were rooted to the ground.
“Annette.” The ripple of his deep voice moved over me. I sucked in a breath, pulling in his familiar scent.
When I didn’t respond, he tipped his head toward the barn. “I need to show you something.”
A tiny “okay” was all I could manage as he walked away. I followed, my eyes never leaving Lee as he walked into the construction zone.
“Can I get a few minutes, guys?” he asked the construction crew. One by one they nodded and cleared out until we were alone in the expanse of the empty barn.
“Wow. The guys moved fast.” I scanned the barn, empty except for a few ladders, power tools, and a whole lot of dust the crew had left behind.
My fingers itched to lace with Lee’s and to bury my face in his chest and beg for forgiveness. It felt like I was at the edge of a cliff, my breaths shallow as I waited to see if Lee would shove me off or grab my hand and jump with me.
“So here’s what I’m thinking...” Lee left my side and moved through the dusty barn. “Tables, big ones that seat at least eight, lined up in the middle. Along that wall, there will be custom shelving strong enough to support the weight of finished pieces that need to get picked up.”
I stared at Lee, still trying to wrap my brain around what he was talking about. He gestured for me to follow. “Come on. Over here I think there’s enough space for the raw, unfinished pottery. People can shop around and decide what pieces they’re going to paint. The register will be over there. We’ll convert the upstairs apartment into an office space, but then through here...” Lee pushed open a creaky door that led to a small room with a wall of ancient-looking windows. “New windows, walls, flooring.” He shrugged. “Well, new everything pretty much, and I think this makes a perfect studio.”
