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I looked down at my best friend walking beside me, her hair lifting with the gentle breeze.
I want this life with her.
Annie was oddly quiet beside me. I squeezed her hand. “Everything okay?”
She swallowed hard and nodded, but didn’t answer.
I could be patient, to give Annie the space she needed to share her burdens when the time was right. Until then, I would enjoy the stolen glances, the gentle brushes of our hands, and the unspoken promises of affection that wove between us.
By the time we’d made our way through the market, Annie had made up some bullshit excuse and barely looked me in the eye when she disappeared into her apartment. She had thanked me for the flowers and the date and promised to be in touch later in the day.
Restless and uneasy, I found myself walking through the wrought iron gate of the Outtatowner cemetery. The sun filtered through the old trees as I walked down the path toward Mom. After dropping Annie at home, I’d gone back to the market and purchased a second bouquet. I stood for long, heavy moments and stared at the weathered gray headstone.
June Sullivan—beloved wife and mother.
My throat was hot and thick. I rarely made it to the cemetery. For whatever reason it wasn’t a place I felt connected to my mother, and it dredged up too many unwanted emotions.
I sucked in a deep breath. “I remember the blue dress you wore. It had flour dusted on the front when you leaned down to scold me.” I chuckled at the forgotten memory. Mom had caught me playing a trick on Dad, but I’d been caught in the act. I was certain I would be in a load of trouble.
“‘Next time, walk on the right side of the hallway so the boards don’t squeak.’” I recalled, so vividly, her mischievous smile and how she winked. I cleared my throat and whispered, “I remember you every day.”
With an aggravated sigh, I ran my hands through my hair. Over the years I’d worked so hard at keeping my emotions in check. Shoving them down so I didn’t have to feel so lost. So fucking helpless.
“Remember that time you told me I was going to marry Annie Crane?” My hand found the ache in my chest and rubbed. “I think you might have been right, Mom.”
I squatted and pulled some of the long grass around her headstone. “Things have changed between us. I don’t know if you can see us from where you are, but we’ve gotten close. I told myself it would never be anything more than a friendship, but then an opportunity presented itself, and I couldn’t help myself. I want to give her more of myself, but I don’t know how. And I can feel it. I already feel her pulling back, and I don’t think I can survive that.” I choked back the tears that clawed at my throat. “Things are different. It’s Annie, and I need her like I need the air in my lungs, but—” Self-doubt and uncertainty raced through me.
Soft footsteps sounded behind me. I swiped at my eyes and turned to find my sister, Kate, walking up next to me.
“Hey.” She stood and looked down at Mom’s headstone.
“Hey.”
Kate leaned her head on my shoulder. We stood in silence, staring down at the headstone. Finally, Kate whispered, “She’s a pretty good listener.”
I cleared my throat and sniffled. “She’s the best.”
“Are you okay?”
I exhaled and stuffed my hands in my pockets, looking up at the crisp, blue July sky. “I don’t know what the hell I am.”
Kate leaned into me, nudging her shoulder against mine. “Don’t fight it, okay?”
I looked down at my little sister.
She raised her eyebrows. “I’m serious. This feeling here?” She patted the center of my chest. “Don’t fight it just because it feels strange right now.”
I pressed my lips together in a small smile. “I’m trying not to, but I feel like I’ve been fighting it for so long.” I raked a hand through my hair and looked down at my mother’s gravestone.
“Do you remember when Mom died, you and I hid together under the stairs?”
I nodded, hating the painful memories from that time that flooded back.
“I remember you told me that you’d always take care of me. Love me, just like Mom would have. You said that if I ever neededanythingthat you would be there. And you were. You always included me. Always stood up for me.” She let out a small laugh. “You were the one who drove to Chicago and egged Declan’s car, then plastered his telephone number around the city in a fake advertisement for erectile dysfunction.”
I clenched my teeth to hide a smile. “You weren’t supposed to know about that.”
“You are loyal and kind, and you’re a very lovable pain in my ass.”
