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“You got laid. Who is he?”
I shook my head, though she couldn’t see me. She knew me so well. “He was someone I met at the bar.”
“Yeah? How do you know he didn’t have any venereal diseases?”
“He was full of tattoos.”
“And that’s supposed to mean something?”
“Well, if he had diseases, I doubt he would go near a needle and risk further infection.”
“You know that makes no sense, right? He could have gotten those tattoos twenty years ago!”
“No, one was a date from a year ago.”
“Maybe it was a date for the future,” she argued. “Maybe it was the date he wanted to be married by or the date he planned to start a booty call service.”
“Yeah, he tattooed that date on him,” I said laughingly.
“Maybe he has amnesia and has to tattoo dates on him so he can remember them.”
“I think you mean dementia.”
“Whatever. I’m just saying, you could have dated someone, and then slept with him.”
I bit my lip, remembering just how amazing Eli was in bed. “Nah, he was worth it, even if I end up with herpes.”
The old lady sitting next to me turned slowly and glared at me, then stood and walked to another seat across the lounge.
“Did you give him your number?”
“No, but it doesn’t matter. He lives in Kansas.”
There was dead air on the other end. “Girl, please tell me he told you that and you didn’t do what I think you did.”
“Hey, in my defense, he dropped it on the floor.”
“That doesn’t mean you steal his wallet! You have to return it!”
“I will!” I said defensively. Sighing, I knew I had to fix this. “I’ll mail it back to him in the morning.”
“Why can’t you just call the police and tell them you found it on the ground? He’s going to know you took it.”
“I’ll just say it got wrapped up in my stuff and I didn’t notice until I was on the plane.”
“Yeah,” she snorted. “It got wrapped up in your panties, and you didn’t notice the bulge for hours!”
“It could happen,” I argued. “Besides, this is a good thing. I have a name to put with the face. His name really is Eli, by the way.”
“Well, I’m glad you got something out of stealing his wallet!” she practically shouted at me. “Girl, what are we going to do with you?”
“Me?” I asked incredulously. “What about you?”
“There is nothing wrong with me!”
“Sure. I know a lot of people that have never laughed in their life!”
“Hey, that’s not something I can help!”
