Page 67 of Pucker Factor


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“About two minutes after you so gleefully jumped out of a plane with me, without mentioning that you couldn’t swim.”

Oh, that’s right. “Well, in my defense, I didn’t think we were going to live.”

“Of course, we were going to live,” Max snorted. “I had a plan and everything.”

“Your plan sucks,” Kavanaugh grumbled. “We’re in a raft in the middle of the ocean.”

Max pointed at him. “Yes, but you’re not in prison, so it all worked out. Except, I lost my cigar on the plane.” He sighed, leaning back his head. “At least I still have my hat and sunglasses.”

The rest of us were without either, and I could feel the heat beating down on my skin. “Um…how long can we live out here?”

“Without water? Three to five days,” IRIS said as if calculating in his head. “But dehydration will set in and cause hallucinations. It won’t be long before one of us tries to eat the other.”

“Sarah’s first,” IKE said.

“Excuse me?” I glanced around the group, confused by what was going on. “I’m the first to eat someone else or the first to be eaten?”

“To be eaten,” IKE snorted in laughter. “You’re the weakest link. Everyone knows you get rid of the weakest link first.”

My jaw dropped as I stared at Eli, who just shrugged at me. “I am most definitely not the weakest link.”

“How do you figure?” Scottie asked.

“Well, for starters, I didn’t panic when the plane was going down. And I definitely didn’t puke all over everyone!”

“She’s right. Sorry, Scottie Dog,” Kavanaugh clapped him on the shoulder.

“Hey, I might puke, but I’ve saved your asses a number of times. You can’t just arbitrarily decide I’m the weakest link. Besides, if we’re going to get rid of anyone, it’s this lazy ass,” he pointed to Max.

Max pulled his sunglasses down his nose, glaring at Scottie. “Lazy? Is that what you just called me?”

“Well, yeah. When you’re hired to fix a plane, but you sit around drinking all day instead working, I call that lazy.”

“Hey, I just flew your ass out of the Caribbean, saving you from local police that wanted to throw your ass in prison for interrupting their sex trade operation.”

“And you were too drunk to fly properly,” Scottie snapped. “Besides, none of us know you. It would be easier to cut you up and eat you than any of us. We all know each other.”

“That’s true,” Red nodded. “I think it might be a little hard to eat Eli. Kavanaugh, on the other hand…”

“Thanks, man. That makes me feel great.”

“I’m just saying… you’re kind of a pretty boy.”

“On the other hand,” IRIS said thoughtfully, “if we came across any pirates, we could trade him for passage. What do you think he’d fetch?”

We all turned and stared at Kavanaugh, trying to determine what a good price would be.

“At least two nights,” I said first. “With a few hot meals.”

“That’s it?” Kavanaugh said, his eyes bulging. “I’m worth way more than that!”

“Maybe three meals,” IRIS said. “Definitely not enough for all of us. We’ll need another. I vote for IKE.”

IKE chuckled. “Trying to get me out of the way?”

“I’ve been trying to do that since I met you. Think of how easy it would be to say to Jane that you hit the water so hard you didn’t survive.”

“And then sharks ate him,” I added. “You know, if you think about it, nobody will ever truly know what happened out here.”

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