AllFreeNovel
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We have spent the last few years—no, fuck that. We have spent every minute since the day we met building up to now, a time when our careers and homes matched up and we could test the waters to whatever has been brewing between us since we were fifteen years old.
Yet on the other hand, what did I expect? If nothing happened between us when we were in high school, living together under the same roof, a bedroom wall apart as horny teenagers, why would I expect anything different once we went years without seeing each other?
The Emmett I know is a fucking catch. He's handsome, so handsome. And kind, always patient, and willing to be the rock in any unsteady situation. He doesn’t yell, never rude or condescending, even to those that may deserve it. A hard-working man that would do anything for the ones he loves. And me?
I'm the indecisive military brat, the one who talks too much, who no one can take seriously with her wild hair and questionable taste in music. The one who’s own family didn’t want her. His news shouldn't come as a surprise.
I pull on the stoic mask that got me through countless first days of school and paste on a smile he can't see. “That's crazy, Emmett. But congrats! You will be a great dad.” At least that part I don't have to lie about. Whoever he's marrying, and the children that he makes will be the most loved people in this world. I know for a fact they will never question their worth.
“Jenna . . .” he trails off.
I can tell by his tone he's about to apologize and I'll be damned if I let him pity me. So, I swipe the tears that have bubbled under my eyes and press my knuckles firmly along my breastbone, hard enough to sting and pull my attention away from the bomb he dropped on me. With a clearing of my throat, I interrupt him, letting the lie flow easily off my tongue.
“Hey sorry, I’m working and swamped. I gotta go. But seriously, congrats; I'm happy for you. Text me your address and I’ll send you guys a little baby gift.”
Pulling the phone from my ear, I can already hear him telling me how unexpected this is for him, how sorry he is, but I whisper a goodbye he will never hear and tap the red button, ending the call and letting my phone clamor to the floor next to me.
I sit on the floor in silence, staring at a scuff mark on the wall for so long the automatic lights flick off. In the darkness of the empty room, Emmett’s face pops into my mind, and I’m reminded of the day we met. Tenth grade. Standing next to him at the cooktop with his warm hand curled over my back, telling me it was okay I ruined our alfredo. That day, something changed inside of me. I never thought I would have to be alone ever again.
My stomach lurches, and I stand, rushing out of the break room and shoving through the swinging bathroom door with both hands as the pressure rises in my chest. I'm barely through the first stall door when I fall to my knees and wretch, unloading my lunch into the toilet. Hot tears stream down my face. I’m unsure whether they are from his words or throwing up, but I let them fall until I’m spent, until I have nothing else to give, so I stand, flushing the toilet and turning to gaze at myself in the mirror. My reflection taunts me, looking every bit as pitiful as I feel. Flipping up the silver handle on the sink, I let the water run over my skin until it’s so cold it stings.
But I let it, because he's gone.
Emmett. Married. We never exchanged some stupid promise ring, and certainly never pledged our celibacy to each other. I wasn't foolish enough to think he was still a virgin—I’m not one myself. But I never,neversought out commitment from someone else. I thought he felt the same.
The icy water pools in my hands, and I splash it over my face, letting the prickle of the water soothe the sting of regret, of anger, of the unbridled self-hatred I have for myself in this moment.
Fuck Chicago. Fuck moving home to “our city.” I'll have my fun, do my time, and finish out this contract but then I'm out of here. I’ll kiss this piece of shit city and all the memories I've made here goodbye.
“On second thought, I'm in,” I tell Meg once I storm back into the unit. Maybe I’m not interested in an asshole surgeon, but if Emmett wants to move on from us and get married, well I sure as hell can have some fun, too. “Call up your surgeon buddy and tell him the double date is on.”
Meg gawks at me for a moment, surely wondering why I’m coming back to the unit a shell of the woman I once was. But in true good-friend fashion she reaches over and squeezes my shoulder, almost leaning in for a hug before stepping back and pulling out her phone. “I’ll make sure you forget he ever existed.”
Chapter Twelve
Present Day
“H
old on, hold on . . . you’re telling me, he named his fuckingchildafter you?” Meg’s eyes bulge, blinking rapidly as she tries to process my story.
“He didn’t clarify, but yeah, I think so. I mean, how many Alissandria’s do you know?” If he named her Alexandria, it could be played off as a weird coincidence, but I don’t know.
“It's not a coincidence. In a fucked-up way, it's kind of . . . romantic.”
The vial of insulin I had been warming in my hands drops to the floor, rolling underneath the supply shelf. “Meg, did you say something was romantic?”
She shrugs, completely oblivious to the fact that she said a positive sentence about love and didn't follow it up with “but I'd rather die.”
“I mean, I know I don't want any guy I knew from high school crawling out of the woodwork, practically stalking me to get me to talk to him. But since you seem to like that sort of thing . . . have you decided if you're going to show up to dinner?”
That question is one I had been asking myself since running into Emmett and Allie in the grocery store. I promised I'd come over Friday night for pizza.
“It's dinner,” he had pointed out, “a slice of pizza with two old friends” and his daughter, and a suffocating cloud of tension, too.
“I've thought about going as much as I've thought about hopping on a plane and moving far away from here.”
Meg reaches a hand up to tug on the baby hairs that have slipped out of my bun.
