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“I’m already so pissed off and you haven’t gotten to the love part yet.”
He reaches a hand up to smooth the hair away from my face, and I lay down on my side again, facing him.
“One night, I had time to kill, the rain wouldn’t let up and then lightning started, so we had a delay with work. I went to the bar for dinner and had a few beers. I had called it a night, ready to go back to the shitty motel and get some sleep but she asked me if I could hang out and give her a ride home.”
“She needed a ride, that’s for sure.”
“We . . . he trails off, not wanting to say the words out loud to me. “We hooked up, right there in the bar. I gave her a ride home, said goodnight. That was it.”
I pull away from him, propping myself up on an elbow, letting my other hand come up to stop his story. “Hold on. You had sex with a complete stranger,without protection, in some dive bar down south? Did you get tested afterwards? Did you get a freaking tetanus shot after?”
He’d puffed out his chest at the club we went to earlier, practically scolding me for putting myself in unsafe situations, when it sounds like he’s done some equally sketchy things.
“It was a mistake. I won't deny that. But I can’t take it back. I wasn’t having any sex at that time, so I didn’t have a condom on me. She said she was on birth control. So . . . yeah. Eventually, I moved on to the next job. A few weeks later, she called, telling me she was pregnant with my child.”
Holy shit. That’s a fear that has crossed every person’s mind at some point in their life. What is meant to be a little fun, blowing off some steam possibly ending up in a life-long commitment.
“She went on to say she wasn't sure about keeping it.”
My heart freezes in my chest, and I pull out of his arms, sitting up to look at him. I tuck my legs under me, wrapping the sheet around my chest for some warmth. Something about this doesn’t add up. The one-night stand. Her not wanting the baby. Him having sole custody. It’s painting a picture that’s making me feel sick.
“I was scared, felt way too young. I had so many thoughts about what would happen, how that would work with my job, what that would mean for you and me. But I couldn't stand the thought of not having this child. I believe it’s a woman’s right to choose what happens with her body, and some who have had to make that choice may have chosen differently, but I couldn’t do it. The notion of this little baby being formed that was half me, I couldn’t stand the thought of living without it.”
I nod along. At least I think I do, but it’s possible my body is frozen, the shell of me sitting and staring calmly while inside I’m clawing at the walls. Of course, that would be his reaction. This man in front of me is, without a doubt, the kindest and most warm-hearted man I have ever met.
“You have to believe me when I say we weren’t in love. We barely knew each other; I wouldn’t have called us friends. But she agreed to keep the baby if we raised it together. As the conversation went on, I noticed more issues.” He sighs loudly, scrubbing his face vigorously and moving up over his head, as if the situation frustrates him all over again. “She was a bartender, she didn’t have any savings, didn’t have health insurance. She wanted to be a country music star, for Christ’s sake. She couldn’t have afforded the bills, the hospital stay, the birth, all that. I did what I thought at the time was right.”
“So, you married her?” I choke out. “Just like that, you decided to propose?”
All the time we spent together, he never worked up the courage to do so much as let a hug linger or kiss me. Even after I practically dry-humped him on his parents’ couch, he never approached the subject again. But he makes a snap decision over something as serious as marriage because a stranger needed health insurance?
“Hold on, hold on.” He sits up to grab both of my arms. “You can't get mad now when I haven't gotten to the main part of the story.”
“Oh fuck,” I groan, running fingers through my hair and twisting it behind me.
“The next day is when I called you to tell you. And Jenna, hearing the pain in your voice. Knowing I broke your heart, youhaveto know how shitty I felt. I hung up the phone thinking it was all over between us, not knowing if I'd ever see you again, let alone get to where we are now. It killed me to not tell you the truth.
“So, we got married. We went to a courthouse at nine A.M. the next day. No family or friends present, no fancy proposal. She went out and bought a ring for herself with my credit card and we had a courthouse employee as our witness.”
“What did your mom say?” I couldn't imagine his mom loving the thought of an accidental pregnancy and him marrying someone she had never met. That she couldn’t be present for the wedding, couldn’t go dress shopping with her future daughter-in-law, couldn’t insist on paying for some lavish reception. She is the mom you see frantically wiping tears all through the entire wedding ceremony and reception, so damn happy and talking about how blessed she is to be a part of that day.
He groans, rubbing a hand over his face. “Well, she wasn't happy. You wanna know the first thing she said to me?”
“Some lecture about the basics of safe sex?”
He smiles at my attempt at humor, but it doesn't reach his eyes. “No.” He wraps his arm around my back, fingertips grazing up and down my spine. “She was quiet for the longest time, and when I thought she had hung up on me, she said ‘what about Jenna?’”
Hot tears sting my eyes. His mom. His whole family. They have cared about me from the beginning, even when he and I were still figuring it out. It’s like they all saw what we had while we were too young and immature to realize it for ourselves.
“Does she know we are together?” I ask, before realizing she wouldn’t know that unless he’s the type of guy that texts his mom right after sex. “Does she know we are friends again? Wait.” I wave my hands in front of me frantically. “Not important right now. Finish the story first.”
“Things were awkward with Gina. I had to finish out my job in Kentucky, so I was on the road at the time. I couldn’t be there to support her through pregnancy symptoms and all that. We barely talked. I missed her OB appointments, but I downloaded this app that would tell me roughly what was happening with both Gina and the baby as things progressed. I knew when the baby was the size of a walnut, when fingernails were forming. When Gina would start to become sick or have food aversions.
“I didn’t like the idea of her bartending while pregnant, on her feet all the time. Around drunk, obnoxious people and cigarette smoke, working late hours and who knows what. So, I got us an apartment in a nicer part of town, paid all the expenses, and left her with my credit card to buy what she needed since she wasn’t working. “
This bitch had it made.
“She enrolled in college and took some online classes. After a month or so of being apart, I finally finished my apprenticeship, and got a job with the local utility company in the town she lived in. Took a huge pay cut doing it, but I had to be there for them.
