AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I’m thrown. ‘I…’ I shake my head. ‘I think everyone is scared of getting hurt, but it’s easier when you have nothing to lose, and when it comes to people, if they walk away from you because you’re honest with yourself, then they’re not your people. And I like being vulnerable. If we close ourselves off from feeling what the heart feels, then we close ourselves off from listening to the birds sing and basking in the warmth of the sun. Denying ourselves of love denies us of everything. And isn’t that what love is, anyway?’ I frown as the thought strikes me. ‘Isn’t love just bearing yourself to someone, giving them every part of you to break, but hoping they don’t?’
I’m not sure if I imagine it, but I swear the pulse at his throat quickens. ‘I’m not sure if that makes you stupid or admirable.’
‘If you’re so afraid to be vulnerable,’ I say, ‘wouldn’t loving someone make you brave?’
He seems to consider for a moment. ‘There was someone else,’ he says at last, so quietly I barely hear him. ‘Before I moved from Southampton, there was a girl. Camden. We went to the same primary school, but she didn’t know I'd been crushing on her. Every guy grows up admiring one girl, and for me, that was Camden. When we moved up to high school, I still hadn’t said a single word to her, but I'd told my mates she and I were madly in love, and one day, when she was walking through the school gates, they expected me to go talk to her. I didn’t want to look stupid, and I remember feeling scared all the way down to my balls as I went up to her. I didn’t know what to say, so I told her the truth: that I fancied her and I'd lied to my friends about us going out. She seemed to like that I fancied her and asked if those were my friends, watching from the bushes. And then she kissed me—as good as a twelve-year-old could kiss.
‘After that, we were inseparable. I know now it was nothing more than young love, but I couldn’t believe my luck. Everyone wanted her, but she was mine. We’d kiss all the time, and ditch school, and we tried our first cigarette together and drank WKD behind the school hall at lunch. She was my everything.
‘On my fifteenth birthday, Chase told me Camden slept with my mate, James, and I remember feeling my heart break. I went blind with rage, and I tracked James down in class and battered him, in front of her. I got expelled after that, and Chase announced he was moving school, and I begged my parents to let me go with him. When all my friends knew Camden had betrayed me, Chase was the only one who told me. But I never stopped caring for Camden. Even when someone you loved leaves, you carry a piece of them with you for the rest of your life.’ He looks at me. ‘It’s not love I’m afraid of. It’s losing the person I love.’
I swallow the lump in my throat. I hate that I'm glad he was only twelve when Camden was in his life before it had chance to become something more serious. I hate that he even thought about another girl like that—that he kissed her and touched her and yearned for her. I hate that he loved her so much he moved school.
But I don’t say any of that.
Instead, I say, ‘I’m sorry about your parents.’ I can’t look at him. ‘I understand what it’s like, having to keep something secret because you know it’ll tear your family apart. Shouldering a burden like that eats you up. My mum was cheating on my dad.’ I say it quickly before I change my mind about saying it at all. ‘I’ve known for weeks, and when I confronted her about it, she left.’
His head whips in my direction. ‘Frankie—’ His voice is hoarse.
‘So, I know what it’s like. I know why you haven’t reported your mum, for the same reason I haven’t told my dad.’
I dare a glance at him.
His lips part slightly, but I can’t bear it. I can’t handle this conversation any longer.
I mumble a goodbye as I clamber from the car. He doesn’t come after me, and I don’t want him to.
My dad watches TV on the sofa. It’s notMade in Chelsea—it’sIce Road Truckers. I ought to be relieved, but when I hear a voice that definitely isn’t my dad’s, my heart sinks.
Chase sits on an armchair. He’s talking to Kevin when he notices me in the doorway. His gaze flits to me and he goes still mid-sentence.
I hastily wipe my cheeks. ‘Have you eaten?’ I ask my dad.
‘Oh, Frankie,’ Kevin says. ‘Chase kindly bought me takeout. You should’ve seen the spread! There’re leftovers in the microwave.’
I open the microwave and crack a smile. ‘A chip? Wow. Thanks, Dad.'
He cackles. ‘There’s a portion in the fridge.’
I roll my eyes and bid him goodnight. I go to the cupboard in the upstairs hallway and grab a clean towel—
‘Frankie.’
I close the cupboard. ‘Chase.’
He stuffs his hands into his pockets.
It’s weird, having him in my house, so close to my bedroom. It feels intimate and full of possibilities.
He doesn’t say anything for a long moment. He just rests his head against the wall and looks down at me. He seems haggard—exhausted, even, both physically and mentally. His arms are smeared with engine oil, and his eyes are bloodshot and half-lidded, and his lashes are sweeping and dark as his gaze burns every part of me.
His Adam’s apple bobs. ‘Why are you upset?’
‘Why are you here so late?’
‘Waiting for you.’
‘I didn’t see your car.’
