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"Wait. But aren't you straight?"
"Maybe. Don't know. Don't care." His eyes dip to my just-been-kissed mouth. "I like you. But…"
He pulls away. Takes a few steps away from me. "I'm sorry. It's too much. I'm coming on too strong." He runs a hand over his beard. "This is what I always do. Fuck."
I close the gap between us, wondering what he means by that last remark. "You’re not coming on too strong. You’re fine. But…"
"You're not ready," he finishes for me, looking over at the kittens.
"No. I wasn't going to say that."
He turns his head slowly until he meets my gaze again. "What were you going to say?"
"Look, there probably is some truth to what you said. I'm not ready for a relationship or any sort of commitment. Look how much convincing I needed last night just to get on board with finding a fuck buddy." I offer him a reassuring smile. "But hearing you say you like me isn’t the worst thing in the world."
Roman nods, his jaw still tight, and then his gaze drifts over to the kittens.
I count six of them, adorable little things. A couple are asleep but most of them are on their feet, ambling about.
"Four weeks?" I guess.
"Five."
"When did they get brought in?'
"Three weeks ago."
"And you've been looking after them all this time?"
"I take night shift. Bishop can't afford overnight staff. These guys don't have anyone." His throat bobs with emotion. "Someone had to do something."
Roman's normally sharp eyes are softer. He may look like a tough guy, but he's really a total softie underneath.
"You went above and beyond," I tell him. "With these guys… Just like you did with me."
Roman smiles uncomfortably, like he doesn't know how to take the compliment. We stare at the litter in silence for a while.
"Wanna know what the hardest thing about all of this is?" I whisper to not disturb the kittens.
"Tell me."
"For me, getting married was like crossing the finish line. I'd run the race. It was done. I was out of the game. Now, my marriage is over, and I'm back at the starting blocks. I have to do everything all over again. Find the guy. Date the guy. Run extensive background checks on the guy."
Because fool me once…
I lean into Roman. His body stiffens for a moment before he swings one of his big arms around me.
He probably thinks I'm acting like a whiny child. Wouldn't be half wrong, either, but I can't help it. This is how I feel. The thought of starting from scratch and doing everything all over again is too much for me.
He presses into my bicep. "I got you. Whatever you need, I'm here for you."
"What I need, according to my friends, is a fuck buddy," my stupid mouth says.
I rip myself away from him, shaking my head frantically. "Sorry, sorry, sorry. That just came out of nowhere."
A throaty chuckle comes out of him. "So this isn't just an extension of your plan, then? Accidentally-on-purpose blurt out that you want me to be your fuck buddy."
"Jesus, no, Roman. I'm serious. I did not plan this. You have to bel—"
