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Chapter thirty-three
Mina
DrivingaroundLAcollectingboxes of underwear is an exercise in anger management. As is discovering several people already finished and have dropped their boxes off at Timothy’s house.
I’m not ready to see him yet, so I call Danny. Nic told me he’s staying at Timothy’s. He’s still there and happy to drop my stuff off in the morning—Freya wants to see the Ugly House. I’m both relieved and disappointed. As much as I want to see Timothy, I’m not ready.
Charlotte calls. She gave me extra time to think about the shop on Grand and Aspen after I ended things with Timothy, and that time is up. I decline. Starting a new life out East where I can try to forget Timothy is appealing, but I’m not ready. She’s understanding and careful with my broken heart.
I spend the rest of the night checking the quality of the product I collected and transferring the bonuses I promised for early delivery and high quality. I even manage to embroider little pumpkin spice lattes on several pairs of bikini briefs before I call it a night.
Falling asleep, I think about expanding Wild Things, but my dreams are all Timothy. We pummel each other with pillows, stray feathers falling around us like snow as we fall into a cloud of puffy blankets. Then he’s inside me and the look in his light brown eyes makes me feel loved and safe. Everything is golden and soft, a wave rolling slowly into me while he watches from above. There’s bittersweet knowledge that this is a dream. The time when I had Timothy is past. I don’t want to wake up.
I do and I cry in the shower and spend way too long trying to cover my red and puffy eyes with cosmetics because Danny will be here soon. Timothy’s going to ask him how I am. I want Danny to believe me when I tell him I’m okay, so that Timothy will believe him when he passes it on.
I’m not even a little okay.
I’m barely functioning.
Cute shorts, T-shirt, hair in a ponytail. It’s all I can manage when staying in my pajamas is so tempting, but no. I’ll treat myself to a handful of the cookies Nic baked last night as a reward for getting dressed. Then I’ll spend the rest of the day embroidering and crying because that dream reminded me of what I walked away from.
I’m way too fragile already as I walk into the living room, stopping short at the sight of Timothy. My heart thumps in my chest, trying to break free.
He’s standing next to a stack of boxes, his back to me, staring out the window, hands jammed in his pockets. The room even smells like him, light and citrusy. It makes this cold, harsh house a little more inviting. Timothy has that effect.
His slumped shoulders are the only sign that like me, he’s not okay.
I need to glue my feet to the goddamn floor so I don’t throw my arms around him and beg him to take me home. Going back won’t solve the problem between us. We’re too different to ever work.
His shoulders inch up and he’s not breathing evenly anymore as he watches me in the reflection of the glass. Waiting for me to say something, or to run.
It’s too late to run.
“I know you see me,” I finally say. I hate how my voice falters.
Timothy turns, slowly. The smile on his face is fleeting. Nervous.
Oh my god. Timothy Foley is terrified right now.
My hand covers my mouth before I catch myself and let it drop. I clear my throat. “How are you?”
“Good,” he says with forced cheer in his voice. He winces. “I’m not good.”
“Me neither,” I admit.
“Mina, I’m sorry,” he says, taking a step toward me and stopping again. “Come home. Please.”
I’m holding my breath, and when I say nothing, he continues. “We can work this out. I’m done with that stuff. I promise.”
How many days have I been waiting for him to come here, to say this? I think he might even mean it, but…“It’s not that simple.”
His face falls. “I’m making changes. Please, give me another chance.”
I want to believe him. I’m afraid to speak, in case it’s my heart that comes out and not my head, so I bite my lip and shake my head.
Timothy stares at me and I can’t stand to see the pain in his eyes. Like the coward I am, I look away.
“So that’s it,” he says after eons drag by.
