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Rather than stew in fury, I concentrate on staying calm. One forced exhale after the other and my wrath fizzles into a dull roar. My palm rubs Syd’s back while I soothe the fear no child should know.
“I’m not going anywhere, Boop. You’re stuck with me forever.”
“M’kay, good. You’re the bestest daddy ever,” she whispers.
My heart squeezes. “You’re the bestest, kiddo. A miracle. My greatest gift.”
She pulls away until her misty eyes meet mine. “I’m a present?”
“With a big bow.” I tug on the one that’s managed to stay in her hair. A miraculous feat I take full credit for.
Sydney blinks wet lashes at me, her smile returning. “You made my hurt better.”
I boop her nose, then wipe my brow. “Phew. That’s why they pay me the big bucks.”
She mulls that over for a beat. “I don’t need Mommy.”
My attempt to lighten the mood falls flat. I don’t mask my wince. “You do. She’s always gonna be your mom. That’s important.”
“Doesn’t feel important,” she grumbles.
The urge to agree parts my lips. As the product of a single-parent home, I’m well aware of how it feels to wonder if I wasn’t good enough for my mom to stick around. My dad didn’t bother to fill the gap she left. I refuse to make those same mistakes. Sydney will never question if she’s cherished.
That includes nurturing her sensitive heart while also protecting her from additional pain. It’s a damn slippery slope and getting harder to navigate by the day. “Don’t give up on her yet. She’ll do better.”
Or I’ll force the issue I’ve avoided for too long already.
Her sniffles crack through my jaded heart. “That’s what you always say. I don’t know how to feel about Mommy anymore.”
“Wise beyond your years, Boop.” Which is a sliding scale. She’s advanced for her age, but I don’t want her to grow up faster than she already is. Especially when it can be avoided. “It’s okay to be sad that your mom isn’t here more often, but don’t stop missing her.”
Syd slides off my lap to slump on the floor in front of me. “But why doesn’t she miss me?”
“I’m sure she does, but her job keeps her extra busy. It’s hard for her to leave.” The excuses taste bitter. If Morgan wanted to be involved, she would be. Doesn’t get more cut and dry than that. Not as if I can tell my daughter that.
“But you always make time for me.” Her observation fills me with pride.
“My job is…easier.”
She huffs. “Nuh-uh. You told me fixing cars isn’t easy. That’s why I can only help with certain stuff.”
“Not letting me get away with much today, huh?” I match her grin with one of my own. “What I meant was that I’m the boss and set my own hours. It’s easier for me to be home more.”
Her brow knits as she thinks over my reasoning. “Nope. You work super hard while I’m at school. That’s a really long time, Daddy. But even when you’re tired, we still play lots. You’re like a superhero.”
Emotion swells until it’s difficult to breathe. “Thanks, Boop. I love you. Don’t ever forget, okay?”
“Love you too!” She flings herself at me for another hug. Then, like the resilient kid Sydney is, she hops to her feet while grinning wide. “Can we go for a snowmobile ride?”
My gaze returns to the overflowing basket. “Right after I get these clothes sorted and folded.”
“But I’m borrrrreeeeed,” she wails. “Even Glitzy is tired of chores. She’s pouting.”
I follow her gaze to the ball of fluff snoozing on the floor. The sprawled position is typical for Sydney’s pampered Pomeranian, but I won’t be the one to announce that fact. “You two could play tag while I finish.”
My daughter scrunches her face in consideration. “Nope, Glitzy doesn’t wanna do that.”
“Oh, she talks to you?”
