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Twenty-Seven
It’s been justover two weeks since Levi brought the girls back, and while most everything is good, there are times when Stormy and Levi butt heads. I imagine that this is normal for dads and teenage daughters. Willow, though, is probably the coolest kid I have ever come across. If I’m outside reading, she sits next to me and reads. If she wants to go swimming, she asks me. Not Levi or her sister. If I’m cooking, she puts on an apron and helps. I always thought that Van and I would have kids, and being with Willow has solidified my need to be a mother.
When the girls first arrived, Levi and I discussed our sleeping arrangements. They were home, and he didn’t want them to get the wrong idea. The wrong idea is that it’s okay to start sharing a bed with someone that you just met. It definitely wasn’t how I was raised. I had only spent two glorious nights in his bed, and yet I was comfortable there. I understood where he was coming from, even if I craved him every moment of the day. When we could be together and give in to desire, we were off the charts hot.
His house went from quiet and peaceful, to loud, crazy, and fun. I have never laughed so hard in my life and have grown accustomed to their dance sessions when it’s time to do the dishes. Right from the first day that the girls arrived, Levi has made sure to be the one to clean the kitchen. The first couple of times I thought he was singing and dancing to keep the tension away, but quickly figured out that this was his way of getting the girls to let loose. My phone is full of videos of them that I find myself watching daily.
When I come out of my bedroom, the house is quiet except for the light sound of music coming from Willow’s room. I knock lightly on her door, and she tells me to come in. She’s sitting on her bed with a guitar with sheet music spread out on her bed.
“What are you learning?”
“One of my daddy’s songs,” she says, scooting over so I can sit down. “Do you play an instrument?”
“I do. My mom is a music teacher, so my brother and I can play the piano and guitar, but I don’t when I’m on stage.”
“How come?”
“Um. . .” How does one tell a child that even though you’re following your dreams the label wants to leave the instruments to the men for sex appeal? I sigh and smile. “I guess the songs don’t really call for it.”
“Daddy says that I can do whatever I want when I’m bigger.”
“He’s right,” I tell her. “What do you want to do?”
Willow shrugs. “Stormy says she wants to be a dancer, but she also loves Blaze and has been riding every day.”
It dawns on me that Stormy has dominated Willow’s life and that everything she has done has been to accommodate her sister. “But what doyouwant to do, Willow?”
She looks at me for a long minute before her eyes drop down to her bedspread. It hurts me to think that her opinion has never mattered, and now that she’s being asked, she seems almost unsure of herself.
“Willow, do you want to be a musician like your dad?”
She nods. “My mom says it’s stupid though, and ruins lives.”
That’s because, to her mother, it did, at least that is what Levi has shared with me. I run my hand over Willow’s hair, smiling softly at her. I tell myself that no matter what happens with her father, I am going to make it a point to keep in touch with her. She needs a friend that isn’t her sister.
“Music can be many different things. It all depends on what you want from it. When I was a little older than Stormy, my brother and I started a band. We asked a few of our friends who could play instruments to join us, and we started playing in our garage. We found five or six songs that we really liked and learned for a few months, and finally had a concert.”
“Did a lot of people come?”
“Our whole neighborhood and a lot of our classmates. My mom made food for everyone. She was so proud.” Willow looks away. The action breaks my heart. I would hate to think how she would be if things hadn’t changed for her. It’s clear to me now why she’s so clingy when Levi is around. He’s been the only parent to see her as herself and not a shadow of Stormy. “We continued to play. Learning a new song each week until we had a full two-hour set. My mom started taking us to gigs, and we’d put demo tapes together. Once we got noticed, everything took off for us.”
“Do you love singing?”
“I do, but I’m also happy for the break I’m taking.”
“Because your husband is a douche?”
I blanch at her words and wonder where she heard that. If I had to guess, it would be from the pool party because I know Levi would never say anything like that in front of her.
“Van made mistakes and those mistakes hurt me.”
“And now you love my daddy?”
I think I do, but I don’t know. I think there’s a part of me that is shut off completely to the idea of being in love, but when I think about going back to my house, alone and without Levi, the thought sickens me. I know I told him I needed a month, but with an end date looming the last thing I want to do is leave, and leave him behind.
“I care for him a lot, Willow. Love is a pretty strong emotion.”
“But you like him?”
