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“Violet?” his hand cups the side of my face. “What’s wrong?”
The words hover on my lips.I love you. I love you, Gage.
But if I say them, he’ll gently tell me he doesn’t feel the same. And then this wonderful, impossible thing between us will be over.
I’m not ready for this to be over, I realize.
I flash a smile. “Nothing’s wrong, you weirdo.” I nip at his earlobe, and he groans. “I was just thinking, sucking your cock isn’t much of a punishment.” I reach down and stroke him, just the way he likes. “It’s a treat.”
And then I kiss my way down his body and proceed to distract us both.
If I don’t tell him I love him, then maybe this thing between us never has to end.
21
VIOLET
The next day I’m at work playing scheduling Tetris with Gage’s calendar when I get a text from Peggy.
This is probably TMI, but do you have a tampon? My period just started, and I don’t have time to run out and grab something.
I check my purse and type back,Sure. Meet me in the bathroom and we’ll do a hand-off.
She sends back the prayer hands emoji andTHANK YOUin all caps.
It’s only when I’m on my way back from rescuing Peggy that it dawns on me, that I haven’t had my period in a while.
I start doing mental math and realize I should have had my period...two and a half weeks ago.
My heart speeds up. I’mneverlate.
I go back to my desk and try to focus on work, but I can’t get the thought out of my head.
What if I’m...?
What if Gage and I are having...?
When Gage heads out for a lunch meeting, I ask one of the other assistants to cover his desk. And then I race down to the corner store to buy a pregnancy test.
Twenty-one minutes later I’m standing in the Crawford Industries bathroom holding my answer, in the form of a positive pregnancy test.
I’m going to be amom. Gage and I are having achild. This isn’t how I planned it, but now that it’s happening, it feels like the best gift in the world. For a few seconds, my heart soars with joy as I imagine a future of family dinners, baseball games, and finger painting in the kitchen with a little boy who has Gage’s smile.
I already know I love Gage. If he loves me back, if we can turn this fake engagement into something real...
And then I remember. Gage doesn’t want kids.
It’s like a bucket of ice water dumped on my dreams. If Gage doesn’t want this kid, and I do, then there’s no future for us. I don’t want any kid of mine growing up feeling like one of their parents doesn’t want them. It will wreck to walk away from Gage, but that’s non-negotiable. I’m not putting my child through all the small and constant heartbreaks Tom and I experienced growing up.
On the other hand, sometimes people change their minds about wanting kids as they get older...
If there’s a chance Gage will change his mind, or if it’s possible I misunderstood him the last time we talked, then I want to take my time telling him. Wait for the perfect moment.
But if Gage definitely doesn’t want kids, then I need to tell him as soon as possible. Rip off the band-aid, before I talk myself into a situation that will be bad for everyone in the long run.
I stare down at the pregnancy test, thinking.
And then I remember. I have someone who knows Gage even better than I do.
