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“You should have called if you were freaking,” Kevin said. “I told you that when I texted. I’m not going to judge you.”
I scoffed. “Says the guy who’s been judging me since word one.”
Kevin winced. “I was just giving you a hard time. Keeping you honest. You know I’ve got your back, right?”
I hesitated. “Yeah, of course.”
Concern filled his gaze. “Things were a little rocky when you came home last year, but I thought we were past that.”
Rocky was one way to describe it. Kevin had been pissed when I showed up in Granville about seven years too late, which was only fair. He’d cut me some slack when he learned about my marital problems, but I still felt like a jackass.
“Just because you forgive me for being a selfish prick doesn’t mean I forgive myself. Or that I should ask you to give up any more of your personal time because I can’t handle shit on my own.”
Kevin kicked me again, though more gently. “Hunter, I didn’t know the full story! I was the selfish one. I never thought twice about your family obligations to Holly and Toby. I just wanted you here to make my life a little easier.”
“You weren’t selfish,” I said. “I should have been here.”
We gazed at each other, at a stalemate, until Kevin’s lips twitched. “Look, can we just agree that neither of us are perfect and move on? We’re brothers. I want us to be there for each other.”
“Yeah, okay,” I said, even though it was easier said than believed.
“And you’ve scored a ton of points by helping out Mom and Dad while I take off with Garrett. I’m so fucking happy, so your guilt is wasted.”
I chuckled. “That’s something, I guess.”
Kevin did look happy. There was a confidence to him I’d never seen before. He’d always been good at projecting a fuck-you attitude, but he didn’t need that armor now. He was comfortable in his skin, comfortable in his life choices. He looked like a guy who was living his best life, and I envied that.
“Speaking of traits we have in common…” Kevin wiggled his eyebrows. “Tell me how the heck my straight-as-an-arrow brother came to need advice on dating a guy.”
I blew out a breath. “I don’t know, man. Clark is…an amazing person. I like him. He’s calm and compassionate and so fucking good with Toby it’s unreal.”
Kevin smiled. “I can see that. Clark is a sweetheart.”
“Do you know him well?”
“He was a year ahead of me at school, and he was kind of a loner then. You know the type: reading over his lunch hour, taking every advanced class there was, mind focused on college when most of us were partying and caught up in stupid teen drama. So no… I don’t know him enough to tell you what he’s thinking.”
My shoulders slumped. “Yeah, I figured.”
Kevin pushed his plate aside and leaned his forearms on the table. They were toned and muscled, not the stick-thin arms of the kid I’d left behind when I left home. “I can speak as a gay man though. He’s probably unsure of where he stands with you. He might be a little scared this is just an experiment for you. I’m gonna give you a little TMI. I was fucking terrified the first time I took off my clothes for Garrett.”
“Jesus, Kev.”
“Forget I’m your brother for a minute. I’m making a point here.” He waved to himself. “The clothes. The makeup. Part of me wasn’t sure he wasn’t only drawn to my feminine traits, not the masculine ones that hide under these awesome outfits.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I get that. Clark doesn’t dress girly, though. He looks like a guy. There’s no mistaking that. I know if we go there…” I sighed. “But how am I supposed to know exactly what I want if we don’t try? I mean, I think I’ll be into it. But how can I know for sure?”
“You can’t,” Kevin said. “That’s why it’s a risk for him.”
I swallowed. I’d been thinking about what this meant for me. The ways it would change my life, potentially. The ways it would change how I saw myself. How it could impact Toby. But Kevin made me see that it wasn’t so easy to be in Clark’s position either.
“So, what do I do? Just…let him go?”
“Hell no,” Kevin said with a snort. “Not if you really like him. Just be really honest upfront. Let him know exactly how you feel and make sure you’re both on the same page.”
“And if we’re not?”
Kevin leaned in to pat my face with his hand. “Aw, I know it’s hard for a golden boy like you to understand, but sometimes people don’t want us. We suck it up and move on.”
