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“Oh, beautiful wife. Fuck the bedcovers. I’ll buy new ones. I’ll buy a whole new bed if necessary.”
The next several hours are a blur of pain and sheer effort of will. I’ve seen animals give birth at the shelter, of course, and my respect grows for their stoic silence and efficiency in preserving their energy for when it matters.
Turns out I’m not stoic. I yell and scream and sweat and thrash so much Rio’s sole job becomes wiping my brow and kissing my knuckles while telling me how strong I am. Maybe that’s the safest thing the doctor can give him to do so he doesn’t step in and take over and simply yank the baby out of me.
It shouldn’t be possible to push out a human being from that part of a woman’s body, but somehow it is, and at eleven minutes past four a.m., exactly three weeks before my twenty-sixth birthday, our beautiful baby girl is born.
And now, this violent Mafia world truly has the means to hurt us.
16
“For all the things my hands have held the best by far is you.”
Anonymous
Bianca
We name her Emilia,and she is the most beautiful human being I have ever seen. I don’t think she looks like either one of us, though Rio says she has my coloring and my feisty nature. My concern that he wouldn’t love her as much as he should, because she’s female and not the male heir he assumed, lasted about three seconds.
The doctor had him cut the umbilical cord, and for a big tough Mafia guy, he looked hilariously queasy during that act. But afterward, when our daughter was swaddled and he held her in his arms, the expression on his face was priceless.
For the first time ever, there was wonder and true tenderness in his eyes, and when he shifted his gaze down to me and delivered a tiny smile, a wave of love washed over me.
I made Rio truly happy in that moment.
And I’m not sure anyone else has ever achieved that with him.
I am no longer naïve enough to believe this reprieve from the external world will last, but I will cherish the memory of that shared birth experience forever.
Over the next several weeks, my focus is on Emilia. Learning to breastfeed, which I thought would be instinctive but turns out is far more difficult than I expected. Dealing with the lack of sleep. Venturing out into the extensive estate gardens with Emilia in a baby sling on my chest, being trailed by goons and pretending my life is as normal as any other new mom.
Rio set me up in the suite adjoining his so we wouldn’t wake each other at the wrong time, as he often comes to bed late and is up early, and my schedule currently revolves around our daughter.
He immediately brought in a nanny to help me with Emilia, though the whole concept of paying someone to look after your own child is so far removed from my previous existence that I’ve struggled to let the poor woman do anything. Except change the diapers, and take over one of the feedings at night if I’ve had less sleep than usual for whatever reason.
When Doctor Conner returns for the six-week post-birth checkup, she professes herself pleased with my progress, and happy with the health and weight of my daughter.
“You are young and fit, Mrs. Agosti. As is your child. Strong genes on both sides, clearly. If you have not already, you may resume normal relations with your husband any time you wish.”
“Oh. Well, okay, thank you.” Normal relations? I haven’t thought about sex since before the birth. It just hasn’t crossed my mind with everything I’ve been learning to deal with. Now that she mentions it, though, the thought of becoming intimate once again with Rio will not leave my mind.
But he remains absent, busy with whatever it is Mafia bosses do at work, and I continue to mostly dine alone, and walk the grounds, and wrestle with Penn, the nanny, over who should do this task or that, when it comes to Emilia.
Two months after the birth, with Emilia asleep upstairs and Penn watching over her, I am sitting in the library reading, when I realize I can’t take the isolation any longer. I need to get out, off the estate, even if it is just to visit a coffee shop or go to a shopping mall. Yes, I now have the run of the beautiful estate gardens as well as the house, but I’ve come to know this space intimately, and I crave somewhere different.
I leave the library and find Lee in the hallway outside, leaning against a wall and studying his nails. He looks as bored as me, though he immediately straightens when I appear and ducks his head deferentially.
“Afternoon, Lee. Can you please get a message to my husband? I’d like to meet with him for a few minutes if he can spare the time. Today, if possible.”
“Yes, ma’am. Right away.” He presses his earpiece and turns away to speak quietly. A minute or so later, he nods and swivels back to face me. “He’ll be available in his office downstairs in half an hour, Mrs. Agosti. I’ll escort you then.”
I smile my thanks and retreat back to the library. Downstairs? I’m already on the ground level, so he must mean in the dungeons below the estate. Rio seems to be spending more and more time down there. In the past, his office was up on this level.
Should I be worried about Emilia’s safety up here?
I add it to the list of questions to ask Rio, and wait for Lee to escort me down to the meeting.
* * *
